What comes next ? Still so much to learn...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2005
What comes next ? Still so much to learn...
8
Mon, 01-27-2014 - 5:50am

So I met a guy online, we emailed and texted back and forth for about a month. Met for coffee, it seemed to go well, (I am not very good at reading people) it lasted about an hour (He checked his phone once). Later after meeting him I texted just to "It was nice meeting you, I hope you have a nice flight in the morning" It was just a genuine thank you. I'm adult enough to know  if he's says he will call or text doesn't always mean that is what is going to happen, let’s all admit its a lot easier to say that then, wow that is not what I expected or your not what I expected. So outside of picking apart every single moment of first meeting and try to analyse if it was a good date and yes he will contact me, how can I get an overall idea that the coffee date was good ?. How long is too long to wait to hear back from him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2013
Thu, 01-30-2014 - 5:34am
Ok lets not call it chemistry but there should be a connection, a very good vibe which is the prerequisite to every romantic relationship.
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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 01-29-2014 - 4:25pm

 Chemistry is overrated.  Sometime it is the moment.   I have a friend who is an ex nun.  One night she was picking something up from a friend.  I drove(she did not have a car).  When I met her friend we had very strong feeling and if my ex nun friend had not been there we would have strippen off and had sex right on the floor!  a couple of days later said friend was over and there was nothing,0,.  Interesting.    The ex nun felt the feeling too.  Sometime it is just everything coming into alinement

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2013
Wed, 01-29-2014 - 2:11am

Well the honest answer is that no body can tell you when you are gonna hear from him. To you the date went great but did you feel the sparks flying, a kind of chemistry brewing in between the two? Having a great conversation or time does not always lead to getting hitched. So hope for the best, if you hear from him, nothing like it. But if you don't, do not get disappointed, there are many waiting in the wings to sweep your feet off the ground.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 01-27-2014 - 9:54pm

I totally agree that you should keep looking and dating other people until you meet someone where you both like each other and agree to try a relationship and then you will mutually agree to be exclusive.  I think when 2 people really like each other you hardly even need to have that discussion because neither one of you will want to see others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2005
Mon, 01-27-2014 - 7:11pm

He works away for 13 days at a time, he left this morning. I did hear back from him around 10am, I replied again just another generic message. If he replays that great, if he doesn't then I am okay with that too. It’s all a learning experience for me. In the mean time I have no plans of sitting around waiting for the phone to ring. I’m assuming when you are using online to find someone that there are no rules that you have to stop look just because someone may call. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Mon, 01-27-2014 - 1:33pm

Hi. Safire makes a useful point. People do find lasting love online. My wife first contacted me on a dating site. However, usually with Internet dating, you need to expect to kiss a lot of frogs before finding your prince. I myself had my share of exasperation before meeting my wife.

As to knowing if a guy likes you, he will either ask you out again at the end of the first meeting or usually contact you in 3-4 days or so. If the guy is travelling to the middle of nowhere, I'd give him more time--but not if he is say in a major urban center or branch office of his organization. In those places, he'll have decent internet access and can send at least a short text or email to you.

Good luck. I hope your prince comes by soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 01-27-2014 - 10:35am

Well when you said have a nice flight, does that mean he was going on a trip somewhere or is he from somewhere different?  I think if he was going on vacation or a business trip I'd give him a little longer, but there is still phone or email.  I am sure that if a guy wants to see you again, he will want to make plans so I'd say if you don't hear from him in a week, it's not likely that you are going to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Mon, 01-27-2014 - 9:29am

I did online dating for about 2 and a half years after my divorce and went on dates with about 30 men. 9 out of 10 times, it never went past the first date. Either one or both of us didn't feel the chemistry. In some cases, I did find the man attractive but he wasn't a nice person or had dating goals that were opposite to mine. Think about it. It's more rare to meet someone and you both feel totally attracted to one another, have the same dating goals and ethics, and really enjoy one another's company. It happens, but it usually takes dating a boatload of men to find "the one." I finally did meet my future husband after all of those upsetting frustrating experiences. When a man is into you, you will know it. He won't let you slip away. If a man was into me, I'd expect to hear from him the next day. I'd say that if you haven't heard from him in 3 days, you mentally have to move on. Don't blame yourself if he doesn't call. Chemistry is biological. People have no control over it. I have found men attractive who I don't have chemistry with. It would be like kissing a cousin, to me. Just be yourself on a date, and eventually you will click with someone.