What did he mean?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
What did he mean?
4
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 2:24pm
I really need some advice but i dont know if this is the right place and im sorry if this is to long. I met a guy in a bar last month and we kind of clicked so i went back to his, and i have never done that before. We ended up in bed but didn't actually have sex but as i was getting changed to leave he told me he wanted to sleep with me and as i was waiting for the cab by the door he told me that i should just drop by to his again one day. I left thinking it was just a polite way of saying it was fun but thats it because he was way out of my league.

However telling my friend this story she thought it was his way of asking to see me again without actually having to do it. I'm really confused. I know he is too good for me but what she said has kind of got me thinking. We both go to the same bar but on different days but i've been thinking of going back to see if theres another chance. I don't want to make a fool of myself. Do you think my friend is right or should i just leave it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 2:59pm
Sorry, this is a little sad. You want to show up at a bar to see a man who couldn't even put in the effort to ask you out on a proper date or contact you after so he could do that? basically he doesn't want to have to lift a finger to get you into bed again - he wants you to show up so he can get some from you again. "his way" of saying he wants to see you again - that's a new one - when a gentleman wants to see a lady again because he is sincerely interested in getting to know her he makes sure he knows how to contact her, he calls her, has a nice conversation that includes asking nicely if you would like to go on a date with him the following weekend or that weekend if he calls early in the week.

And - out of your league? a man who hangs out in a bar regularly and will go home with a stranger is out of your league? Why? And if you thought so, why would you sleep in the same bed with him and consider seeing him again if you're not going to feel comfortable?

here's my advice - if you go to that bar more than once or twice a month it's too much - find an activity where you will meet people who have the same interest as yours and who do more than hang out in bars and hit on people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 3:36pm
I need to explain this. He is out of my league because he is such a nice person, and it may sound desperate but he was nice to me. Sweet and gentle and ive never had that before. He was also very good looking, whereas i am fat and ugly. My freinds tell me 21 is too young to be worrying about the fact that ive never had a good sexual experience, ie most of it was pressure sex and i was way to young when it happened. He didn't try to pressure me into sex when i told him i didn't know if i wanted to have sex.

I feel stupid saying this but as you won't ever meet me...I cut myself and usually i cover it up pretty well. He clocked my scars somehow and didn't freak out at me. He just put his arm around me. He didn't call me names or tell me i was grateful to have anyone interested in me. He told me i was beautiful and i felt like i believed him.

Now for the bar thing i go there anyway with my mates because its a laugh, with a good atmosphere (i.e no bitchy women or poser men). Most of the men who go there are interested in the same things as me (like rugby and boxing). I don't want to change the bar just the night and just the once. Sounds like i've made up my mind what im going to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 3:56pm
He was being polite about not seeing you again...if he was interested he would have gotten your number and then promptly used it. You can go back, but you'll still be some woman that will go home with him without his having to court you. A one night stand is a one night stand...but a series of one nighters doesn't lead to a relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 4:16pm
Please do not go to the bar and instead please spend the time finding a good therapist. my 16 year old niece cuts herself too and is depresssed like you and she is under the care of a psychiatrist and is on medication. Please do the same. He does not care about you at all, he just wants to sleep with you. If you are interested in rugby and boxing why not try rugby or learn some self defense techniques like karate or tae kwon do - there are many sports that are related that you might want to do instead of watch.

you should never be with someone sexually when you are so down on yourself - it may feel good for the moment but unless that person truly loves and cares for you you will feel even worse about yourself after.