What to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
What to do?
2
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 9:30am

I am infatuated with this guy who's majoring in physics and math at umm..Harvard ( I know it's insane)---both of my worst subjects! We have small chit-chat, “ It’s breezy today, isn’t it?” while walking to class in the same building. He's perfect: inquisitive, hot as hell, and kind...I just don't know how to start a conversation with him. I have no idea what to talk about—I’m a horrible conversationalist: very, very, unwitty and have a slight stutter. Furthermore, I feel that he's too smart for me, I mean really, if he's passionate about physics and math I can't exactly "brush-up" on the subjects to initiate a real conversation. To top that, I have horrible eye-contact, if he gave me “the look”, I probably wouldn’t know, I’m too busy looking at the pavement. Also, he’s friendly with everyone, so how can I tell if he’s interested? Is there any way I can get over my shyness (partially due to speech difficulties--don't think that will ever change), it has always been a problem in my past “almost-relationships”, I’d hate to add this one to my list.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: conundrum2
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 10:32am

conundrum2...

3 thoughts from Pianoguy:

1. This man wouldn't bother dating you if he didn't like you. Obviously, he does!

2. You should open yourself and your conversations up a little more! Don't you have a few interests besides the weather? Tell the gentleman about subjects YOU know about because this way...he'll LEARN ABOUT YOU! Now if you don't understand certain issues concerning math and physics...ASK HIM THE QUESTIONS! I'll bet he'd be flattered to provide you with an answer or two? .

3. The no-eye contact' thing is a COP-OUT and frankly, it's RUDE! If you're truly interested in what somebody has to say...the least you can do is look at the person when he's making conversation or answering a question? Stop hiding behind your shyness and let the man know that he fascinates you on many levels! !

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: conundrum2
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 11:58am

First of all, people are smart in different ways. Just because he's smart in the math area, it doesn't mean he's "smarter" than you. You got into Harvard for heaven's sakes - you're plenty smart enough, so don't allow his choice of major to intimidate you. Besides, in romantic relationships people don't generally discuss math equations. He can get that kind of discussion from his colleagues.

Secondly, you can talk about other things besides the weather, like current events, activities/news around campus, etc. One of the most effective ways to have a great conversation, to show interest in him, and to peak his interest in you is to ask him questions about him. People generally love to talk about themselves and it takes the pressure off of you - all you have to do is respond appropriately and show genuine interest. Ask him, for examples, what made him choose his major, what he likes to do for fun, ask about his family, where they live, the list is endless. As soon as you really focus on the other person, you stop thinking about yourself and your feelings of awkwardness, which go a long way in eliminating those feelings. After you've gotten to know each other better, he may ask you out. You'll know if he's interested when/if he does. And you can look people in the eye if you realize that nothing bad is going to happen to you if you do.