What to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
What to do?
3
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 12:06pm

hi all,

i've been dating this guy for 6 mths now. on our first date he asked me to marry him, thanksgiving he asked me to marry him but he hasn't mentioned it this year yet. so, now he wants to move in together and have a baby. we're both in our mid 20's, live on our own, and have stable jobs. however, i haven't met his parents yet.

would you take his words/actions seriously even though you haven't met his parents?

thanks,
ravishing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 3:28pm
Umm, no. If you want to take your time, tell him so. Say that you would like to get to know more about him and his family before taking that big step of moving in together, marriage and children. I think he backed off the marriage and moved to the moving in together because you had already turned down the marriage thing. If you do love him and see a future with him, you have all the time in the world to spend together. Tell him that and that you want to spend time as a couple for a while making sure that you are both in the right place for marriage and children.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 3:29pm

I cannot imagining someone deciding to get married to the person right after a first date. That to me, doesn't sound right, however attracted he was to you, and however much of a "positive" feeling he got at the time. Proceed rationally. Marriage is a very important decision. Even if his feelings are genuine now, i.e after 6 months of dating, I would not be taking it THIS fast. Refrain from moving in with him, is what my advise is. Pay attention to his actions, date him more but DONT YET move in. Do you really feel he cares about you, is dependable, and genuinely loves you? I feel you have more time to gauge all of that. Don't be in a hurry. If he really does love you and has long term plans with you, he will be patient. Is he keen on introducing you to his parents? If both feel ready to do that, then meet the parents. It's a good sign.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 4:37pm
First, and foremost, what's the hurry? You really never know how things are going to work out. I dated my ex-husband for 3 yrs before marrying him & we lasted 10 yrs. My sister, on the other hand, married her husband after 4 weeks of courtship -- they've been together for 11 years and have 3 kids. I still maintain that it isn't the wisest of decisions; it's been a very long and difficult road for them. Take your time. We all dream of the "happy ever after" ending, the white picket fence, and 2.5 kids....but you want to be sure....you need to be sure. If he's the right one, you'll know and if he really is the one, he'll understand and wait for you as long as you need him too.