What to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
What to do?
8
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 12:59pm
OK ladies, here it goes!! I am 39 (although I look 32), divorced, a succesful executive, good looking. Since my divorce, 3 years ago, I have not had a relationship, just ocassional dates, but now ... well, I met on Friday a very attractive cuban whom from since he saw me, he started to flirt with me from the other side of the club we were. At the end, he asked me for my phone and called me two days after that, the next day and the next day. Finally, last Tuesday we agree to met at the restaurant that he is going to open pretty soon and it was, well, hot, hot, hot since the beginning. He flirted with me like no one else had and I wanted to throw myself to him since the first moment. Needless to say, at the end of the date we were almost having sex but I stopped because I am not one to have sex on my first date and also because I don`t know anything about him. The date was great all the time, he was one of those guys who tells you straight what he wants and I like that, I am old enough to handle that. Well, that was 36 hours ago and I have not heard from him. I want him to call me, I want to have sex with him, just that. This has never happened to me. I always related sex with love, but now its just lust. Should I wait for him to call me or should I call him? The thing is this is the first guy that makes me so crazy, and if I have sex with him, I want it to be more than just one time, not just one. But I just want the sex. What should I do? Am I a bad person for just wanting to have sex? It`s been three years, I have only had sex with my ex-husband in my entire live. I am one of those who got married a virgin!! At 27!!! Ladies, tell me what do you think of this!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: pipup
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 1:34pm
Well, I thik if ALL you want is sex - you can call him up.

But obviously this "date" was geared to get sex...nd apparently you went pretty far and like a high schooler said "I only go to 3rd base".

He is a man...he was pursuing sex...maybe as part of dating and getting to know you -and maybe just because he found you hot and willing.

But if you want "just sex" - call him and have sex...if it goes somewhere fine - but don't expect it to.

As a rule - what men pursue i what they want. He doesn't just have this "attraction base" with you - just because this is the first guy that you've had the lustful hots for.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
In reply to: pipup
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 3:19pm
One small big detail I forgot. I had my period (the worst day)!!! That was the main reason I said no. I told him so. He said he didn`t mind but I do!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: pipup
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 3:34pm
Maybe this helps put a different spin on it.

Dating isn't about "forming a relationship". Dating is about enjoying whatever is available at the moment with this person that suits your standards and meets your needs of the moment. So there's no "future" in dating.


If you presented yourself as being ready and available, in this "first date" scenario - realize he might be taking the following approach to dating:

Some men date to get to know you and enjoy your company - and whatever else comes iwth it - conversation, shared interests, sex, events, etc. etc. etc.

Some men take you on a date to get sex...and the reason for the "date" is your "payment to go home".

What they do not want is to get to know you or share your interests or ideas...they like "glamour and excitement" that is tinged and fraught with sexual heat...and they take you out as insurance that "you have to go home." And, they won't call you up again untilthey're ready for another big night on the town that is primarily revolving around sex.

He hasn't returned your call, or asked you out again that night. That indicates pretty much that he wants "sexually involved scenarios" with you - rather than dates that involve getting to know you as a person.

Don't confuse being taken to an expensive restaurant, or out dancing as being "romanced" because he finds you so intelligent, attractive, charming and amusing and he wants to know you better.

That is often the "payment in advance" to make sure that you stay away - until he's ready for another "romantic or lust-filled sexually explicit evening."

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
In reply to: pipup
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 3:43pm
Thanks to all of you. I am completely sure that he just wanted to have sex with me, he even told me so, that he was going for the sure thing. I did too!!! I do right now. If I haven`t got my period ... well, the thing is he knows I just didn`t have sex with him because of that ... but I still want to have sex with him. Do you think he will call to get the business done? I never wanted to have sex as much as I do now. He is extremely sexy!! By the way, I have not called him either, I am expecting his call ... I like to be pursued and I know guys like the chase. I can`t believe I am acting this way!!! I have never been so lustful in my whole life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: pipup
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 3:55pm
This is extremely blunt.

This guy is obviously willing to "do you" if he doesn't have to put any more effort or money into it.

So call him up, you pay for the room, meet him there - get yourself "done" and expect nothing else - and move on.

He might come back occasionally for another "round".....but he's not interesting in dating and made it clear from the get-go your date was about sex. You then "turned him down" after leading him on.

So if you want to "get done" - just make sure that you use protection and that after you're done - if it gets wild and crazy you get yourself checked for STD's and AIDS.

The guy has no problem "doing" whoever is willing - you think you're the only 37 who looks 32...that wants "some" and isn't requiring to be dated to put out?

Doubt it.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: pipup
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 3:56pm
While I certainly don't think there is anything wrong with waiting to be married before having sex, I think it is absolutely appalling that at your age you have only had sex with one person. I think you owe it to yourself to get some uh... Vitamin D.

If you know that you only want sex, then I thik you shold go for it. Men do it all the time, and I doubt very seriously that he will turn you down.

Besides if you have not had any action in 3 years, You are MORE than past due

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
In reply to: pipup
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 4:05pm
You have made me laugh so much ... yes ... I am past due ... that is why I am full of lust!!! But, nevertheless, I still like to feel pursued so maybe I just wait for his call. I know that if he calls will be for sex and I will be ready!!! In fact, he told me that I will hear from him again. I just hope I have not forgot what I learned when I was married ... thank you again for making me laugh.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: pipup
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 4:10pm
Please use all the necessary precautions.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com