What to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
What to do?
7
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 6:01pm
Hi all!

I'm new to this board and am looking for suggestions.

I haven't dated in a very long time. I was married for 20 yrs, until my H had an affair.

That was 4 yrs ago. Didn't think I'd ever have feelings for another guy.

I work in a warehouse with both men and women. I'm a friendly person, I'm not used to flirting, I like to joke around, but that's about it.

However the past 2 months I find that I'm VERY attracted to this one particular guy. He's not a babe, he's about 13 yrs older than I am. Other people in the warehouse consider him "nerdy". I don't care that he's considered nerdy. I like his personality, and I enjoy talking to him.

I tease him and joke with him from time to time, and I have complimented him.

I don't know what to do. I want to tell him that I like him, but I'm very scared of him rejecting me or laughing in my face and telling me he doesn't feel the same about me.

I was raised old school where a woman doesn't chase after a guy and the guy is the first one who should express interest or make the move.

He has flirted with me in front of other people, but it hasn't gone past that, like calling him or seeing him outside of work.

He's twice divorced. So he may be scared to start a relationship with me. Or maybe he's not really interested. But I can't believe that because I always catch him looking at me, and he catches me looking at him.

Please let me know what your thoughts are on this.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 6:22pm
koolaidkillersmom...

Pianoguy thinks your name is TERRIFIC! All kinds of images are passing through my head as I write this!

Look...if the man is already "flirting with you at the workplace"---why don't you pull him aside (nicely) and say: "I'M VERY FLATTERED THAT YOU'RE FLIRTING WITH ME. BUT ISN'T IT TIME TO 'PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS' AND ASK ME OUT ON A DATE?"

He's gonna have to respond some way.

Question is...how do you feel about dating a man who has struck out twice? If he asked you to become wife #3....wouldn't this bother you? At least a little bit?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 6:45pm
Hi Pianoguy!

I'm glad you like my name, and am hoping you get something to eat soon!

To answer your question regarding striking out twice. I have asked myself the same question. Maybe there is something wrong with him, or maybe there was something wrong with the ex-wives, or all of the above. I can't blame 2 divorces entirely on him. I don't know. I can only hope to get to know him better and go from there. I have to go into this with my eyes wide open, and take it day by day. Who knows if it will ever get to the marriage stage. For all I know, maybe I'm not "marriage material".

I still have kids at home and do not plan on bringing him around them until I know him better myself. My kids are ages 24, 21, 20 & 9 yrs old. The 24 yr old is married, but I would still have to see how they get along with each other. All these are deciding factors to marriage. I would not want to be with someone because they "love" me, but can't stand my kids.

Time will tell.




Edited 9/9/2004 8:15 pm ET ET by koolaidkillersmom

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 2:51pm
I told him today that I was attracted to him....BIG MISTAKE!!!!!

He looked at me like I was absolutely crazy. I just can't get that look he gave me out of my mind. I keep replaying it.

Now I have to face him everyday at work.

Was I "reading" too much into all of this?

I'm sooo embarrassed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 3:10pm
koolaidkillersmom...

Pianoguy is VERY SORRY this man didn't respond the way you hoped he would. It was clear that you had your hopes up. Perhaps the man felt safe because there was already "a lot of family" in your life...and assumed his 'harmless flirting' wasn't something you would take seriously ?

BIG MISTAKE ON HIS PART...AND ALSO A LITTLE STUPID!

However...in retrospect, don't you feel a little better knowing that 'his flirting' was merely an act and that nothing would come of it? . Whether YOU 'made more of this' than the man intended you to...is a tough call...at least for me!

You might have a few 'odd days' at the workplace with this man....but eventually, the incident will blow over. But the man reverts to the "flirting game" and brings it up with your co-workers again......here's the only thing you have to say (if you want to):

"HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME IS...ONLY IN YOUR DREAMS, PAL!"

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 4:49pm
I'm sorry you didn't get the answer you were looking for. That's such a blow to the old ego, but time will heal all wounds. So next week just smile and be nice to the guy. He knows how you feel so now he might be feeling a little awkward too. Chances are if you just go on like it never happened, you both will be ok with it. Just try not to be your old flirty self with him for a while, he may take that wrong- like you're now trying desparetly to get him.

Good luck on the next guy.

Alison

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 5:15pm
Thank you so much for your input! I really appreciate it.

Today I feel like climbing under a rock and possibly dying there due to embarrassment. But I know I'll get over it. This was the very first time I've ever approached a guy to tell them I like them.






iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 5:21pm
Alison, I will take heed of your advice. I know I'll be nervous around him, now that I've talked to him. Believe me, I won't be flirting with him anymore after the look I got today! I'm definatly not desparate!

I will deal with him as a normal co-worker and that's it.