What to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
What to do?
3
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 9:43am
I am trying to resolve an issue... My boyfriend is currently giving me the silent treatment. The other day we were talking and I said, 'FYI... oh, well nevermind' and did not continue my thought. He got upset with me. I know I have a bad habit of this, but if I feel I don't want to tell someone something then I don't. I told him not to worry about it but he got upset and said 'well now you have started our first fight.' I was not arguing or trying start a situation. I just did not feel that what I was going to say needed to be said. Well now, he is not talking to me because of this. It began Sunday night and he has said possibly all of a word to me and it is Tuesday morning. I wrote a letter this morning asking if we can discuss this tonight. Is there something that I am missing on why he is so upset? Please help! Thank you
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mo11mo
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 2:18pm
I think you need to look at what you're doing from the other side. It's aggravating to just about everyone when others start to reveal something, and then refuse to say what's on their mind. It leaves the other person wondering "what's so awful that she refuses to tell me?", "why is she censuring her thoughts?", "what is she hiding from me?" etc. Essentially, you're telling the person that something is on your mind, or you have something to share, but you don't trust them enough to just say it. That might not be the real reason of course. Sometimes you might realize that what you were about to say was stupid or hurtful, but the other person doesn't know that and people often think the worst. You start to reveal a thought, and then YOU begin the silent treatment. Filling the 'silence' with other words doesn't make a difference. They feel 'set up'.

You're thinking this is such a trivial thing and his reaction is way out of proportion to the offense. And it would be if it was a one time thing, or if you told him that you instantly realized that the comment you were about to make was really dumb. Everyone does that on occasion. But you said you do this habitually, and his reaction is to give you the silent treatment as you've been doing to him all along. You need to break this habit. Either finish what you start to say or don't start. When you talk to him, tell him you now realize how annoying this habit is and that you won't do it again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: mo11mo
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 2:45pm
I totally agree. It's my firm belief that you wouldn't bring something up if you weren't going to say it. If you did realize it was going to be hurtful, then you can just apologize and say, "you know what? I thought twice about what I was going to say and didn't want to be rude". Since you do have a habit of this, you need to ask yourself why? Are you stopping yourself from saying something hurtful, rude, *stupid* or silly.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
In reply to: mo11mo
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 3:22pm
He's an azzhole, that's a stupid reason to stop talking to someone. run for your life right now, obviously this guy has some issues. God forbid you really do something terrible like burn dinner.... Hell he might haul off and slap you!!! tell him to get over it, freak having an actual conversation about it. I think that is nutty and it tells him that it is okay to have little tantrums over nothing, because they get your attention and it obviously is bothering you. Tell him to save his attitude for a worthy cause.