What to do......

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
What to do......
3
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 7:58pm
I am "currently" in a relationshop with this guy - he was incredible at the beginning as is any realtionship but has now become sour. When we are together and it is just the two of us, we have a great time together - no matter what we are doing; however when we are out with a group of mutual friends - its like we have been given cranky pills towardds one another. Not sure what to do or even if I should recitify it this time. I really like the guy a lot and enjoy the times we spend together. I am just not a mushy person in front of others and I think he feels rejected when we go out. I don't like being the mushy couple - yuk. I have to admit when we first started to date - I let him put his hand on my leg or even hold my hand, but I am a very undependant person and I do not like to show how vulnerable I can be. Do I try and work this out or should I let it all just go??
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 8:28pm
Curiously enough my bf and I have been together about two years now and we are affectionate when alone at a place but not in a group. We dont do the mushy thing well in front of other people we know and have talked about it. We figured outt hat we do better when sitting across from one another. It is good to see him and make eye contact that way and we do feel connected but lose the pressure to be all kissyface or whatever. Hope this helps.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 8:29pm
It is possible that he does feel rejected by your lack of affect toward him when you're in public. Being independent and being vulnerable are two different things. You can be independednt and have your own personality and character and still show TLC to your loved one. Hugging, kissing and hold hands don't let you show as vulnerable, they let you show as loving and how in love you are with your guy. Perhaps you lack that skill? OR maybe you just don't like it. If this is causing problems between you two it should be discussed. Ask him if he needs more TLC in public, he could be wondering why you changed so much.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 8:37pm
You need to talk to him and tell him that you weren't completely honest with him at the beginning of your r'ship...you let him think you enjoyed PDA when you really don't. Explain that it has nothing to do with him, it's just your nature. Hopefully that will help him not feel so rejected.

HOWEVER...no PDA would almost certainly be a deal-breaker for me, so it might be for him also.

I have to note that I'm an extremely independent person (one of my oldest guy friends never fails to remark on this when I talk to him about my dating woes, LOL) but I still enjoy PDA. I don't see how the two are related.

Sheri