What to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
What to do?
3
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 10:43am
I recently just moved into a new home with a couple of my friends and things seemed to be going well until one of my guy roommates and I started to playfully flirt back and forth constantly. One night he came into my room and sat on my bed and we talked until about 4 in the morning. It was perfect. But then right before we were going to go to sleep he kissed me and it all went crazy from there. We ended up having sex with eachother which I was kinda reluctant to do in the first place but I knew that we both had feelings for eachother. Ok, so that was about 2 weeks ago, and now him and I are still flirting and hanging out minus having sex again, but I am kinda confused on where him and I stand. He said the dreded words of "I am not ready for a girlfriend" YET everytime we are together we act like a couple. I thought that maye he said it cause we have both been in long term relationships that ended horribly with our others cheating on us recently, but I am not sure how to talk to him about it or tell him how I really feel without scaring him or making things weird between a roommate that I care about. I know that he and I are not rebounding off of eachother cause it has been more than enough time to move on and we both have tried to date other people. It just kinda caught me off guard that he would say to me that he only wants to be friends but acts a different way towards me like more than friends. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I should say or act like? I do not regret having sex with him and I do not feel bad for the way I feel towards him, but I would like to take the next step and start a relationship but I don't know how to get that across to him. Or understand how he feels. But it would be wonderful if I did.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
In reply to: jill2237
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 11:16am
Dear, you are in a difficult position, because your both roommates, you like this guy, you've hooked up BUT he's not ready for a GF. What you basically are is an "friends with benefits" kind of deal, where you both flirt, hang out and hook up. There is not labels to this kind of situation because one party does not want the responsability to another's feelings and reality. In this case the roommate doesn't want to commit to you or any other person for that matter and since he can have the benefits of a relationship without being in one he's talking advantage of this. To save you some hurt and sadness the best thing you can do is stop the flirting and the sex and treat him like a friend. Remember that friends do not make out, peck or have sex. Try and meet a guy who is ready and don't hesitate to ask "what are we?" or "are we in a relationship?" as soon as you feel that you're getting emotionally invested.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
In reply to: jill2237
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 11:40am
Oh boy, I feel for you. It's got to be hard to see him every day when you are now-emotionaly involved because of the sex. However, like CC said-he has stated that he does not want a relationship--so your wanting a relationship and wondering how to go about it----well theres nothing you can do--he doesn't want a relationship. Even though you now have feelings for him, try to chalk it up and become (try) to be just friends with him, stop the flirting, etc. or he is going to sooner or later try to get you into bed again so he can have some fun,,,and you will get even more emotionally involved, taking more risk of being hurt. Start seeing other people and try to forget it and move on. We've all
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
In reply to: jill2237
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 2:15pm
Thank you for your insight. Everything that I have read about the situation makes sense and I kinda already knew what I had to do it is just hard to accept the fact that, that is what has to happen. I am going to take the advice given and learn from this experience. Thank you again and take care.