What do I do????!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
What do I do????!!!!
2
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 6:31pm
Got into a mutual discussion with the guy I have been dating on Thursday night about where our relationship was going. We thought we needed to work on being better friends - still date - but stop being intimate while working on the other dynamics of our relationship. I wasn't really too happy with this turn in events but had to go along with it - even though I was scared that it meant the beginning of the end.

Friday...the first time I don't hear from him at all - all day. I did run into him and told him that I was leaving to go home because the kitchen was flooding from the rain. He never called and he knew that I was sad and distressed over everything. I will admit that I messaged him that I was hurt he didn't take 2 minutes to call me and see if everything was all right.

Saturday...I called him late in the afternoon. We ended up getting into a HUGE fight. He said that he was still angry with me for asking if I was an FTF (hope everyone knows what that means) – the conversation about being an FTF is kind of what started the ball rolling into our fight. Things were very, very ugly and we both said things that were not nice and downright awful and for the most part I believe that we didn't mean.

Honestly, I was a WRECK. I have been miserable that I haven’t heard from him after our fight. I left him several messages apologizing for my angry words...and sent him an email apologizing. Asked if we could do what we had said and work on our friendship. Told him that I wouldn’t contact him anymore – no email, no text message, no calls. I have stuck to my plan…still no response from him.

At this point – it is pretty obvious that we broke up – or whatever. I am still a wreck but each day is getting a little easier.

THEN…

On Wednesday – I checked my email then ran out to my car – was gone no more than 15 minutes. My boss told me that he thought he “Aaron” had called but when whoever it was heard the bosses voice – they hung up. My boss said that the number that popped up on the caller id looked like it belonged to the company that “Aaron” works for. Hmmmm…I checked my email and he had 2 way text messaged me in that 15 minutes that I was gone and this is what the text said:

No hard feelings. It’s all good. I think we can still be friends.

At first I was ecstatic…he missed me, wanted to talk to me, to make things better. Then I started to over-analyze the message. Sounds so cold and distant. Like “Whatever.” Not sure how to take it.

I did not respond to his message. It has been 24 hours since I received it. I have not heard from him again. No call, no other text messages, no email.

I asked some friends (male and female) and the majority said not to respond…wait until he contacts me again before responding. One male friend said that I should at least acknowledge the text…but just keep response short and sweet – “got your message. Thanks.” But I just don’t know. Should I message him or wait??? If we indeed “broke up” we have some things that we need to discuss and stuff that needs to be given back to each other – plus our companies do work with each other…there is a for sure chance that we will run into each other in the building or at an event.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 8:54pm
I don't think there's any point in not being intimate while "working on being better friends" - all that means, simply is that he doesn't want to date you anymore and wants to be just friends - not a situation i would agree to if I still had romantic feelings - IMHO if you are in a relationship that needs work, you work on the relationship either by staying together or by getting space from each other with no contact - if you decide to just be friends, the romance is over and you are no longer a couple. I would stop overanalyzing the text messages, etc - all that matters is that he knows how to contact you if he decides he has made a mistake and wants to be exclusive in a romantic relationship with you again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 10:25pm
To me this sounds like one of those types of relationships that is always a struggle. There's always some tiff going on, some misunderstanding, some irritation, anger, disappointment, upset, push-me pull-you....in a word...DRAMA. Some people thrive on that and always choose it (but then complain about being unhappy). Me, I'd rather be "bored" in the easy, contented, happy, no-struggle relationship that I've got. If you aren't happy with this and are thinking it's way too much of a struggle to be a right fit, I'd agree with you. But if you do feel that way, then let it go. A right fit isn't a struggle, and someone who's right for you (and by definition then thinks you're right for him) won't have to take a break or want to "just be friends." He'll want what you want, with you. But whatever you decide, stop calling him and contacting him so much. It sounds so one-sided. Good luck.