What do I do?
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| Fri, 03-16-2007 - 6:02pm |
I met the most incredible guy at work. He just joined our location from another country and he is unbelievable. He is exactly like me, we share a lot of the same interests, he's cute and funny and has this great personality. I think he may be attracted to me as well, but I'm not sure. He could just be a little lonely.
Of course he has a girlfriend back at home. Now it hasn't been a girlfriend that he's known for a long time - only three weeks before he come to the states. Still I respect that he seems to like her a lot and would never try to interfere with his relationship. I just don't do that no matter how much I may want the person.
It's just that I don't think he's going to make it. I think he's too physical a person and he has no idea when he's going to be able to see this girl again (may not be until the end of the year) and he is not happy about it. I try to act like the cheerleader for his relationship because I figure that's better than saying something negative.
What is the best way to keep this guy interested while not actually interfering with his relationship? If it ends on it's own, great. I will be there with open arms. I just want to be the one he comes to should things end because I feel that strongly about him. If I ever did have a soulmate, it's him. He seems to enjoy my company so I'm hoping that we'll become friends outside of work but I also worry about a drunken, desperate hook-up which will not help anything.
Any advice?

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Well, hopefully things will work out. You never know. But I do agree with Sheri - are you 100% sure that he is telling the truth about the now ex-g/f? Or could he be telling you what he knows you want to hear? He knows you're interested, he's interested but he knows the g/f was a roadblock. So just proceed with caution.
I read an interesting article on MSN yesterday about how other countries do not view cheating in the same way as Americans. In America, usually cheating is the kiss of death for many relationships. Even if the relationship survives, it is rarely the same ever again because the dynamic of trust changes. However in most European countries and other countries all over the world, the occasional indiscretion is not only usually overlooked, it's expected. And they take a "don't ask, don't tell" kind of policy. It's the way they are and it just happens. And cheating happens more often the man cheating on his wife or g/f than the other way around but both happen.
Finally, if this guy is here from out of the country and was keeping his relationship together with his g/f long-distance, does that mean he is planning to go back? If so, when? Do you really want to get involved with a guy that may be returning to his home country in a few months? Do you want to get involved in another LDR that is not only halfway across the country but in a whole different country? Think about it.
Well, I don't know. I've actually only known this guy for a couple of weeks so he's not someone I trust/ don't trust. Don't know him well enough to make that decision. Sure, it's a possibility that she didn't break up with him I guess. I wouldn't know. But how well do we know any of the guys we meet? I can't pass judgement on him just because he had a girlfriend at one point. I'll just keep my eyes open for anything suspicious.
As for what's going to happen when he wants to go back home - I'm just not thinking that far ahead. We only have our first date tomorrow. I know he'll be here for at least two years for work. I'm just going to see what happens. Luckily I have a career that I can literally take anywhere in the world so should this guy turn out to be "the one" and invites me to go back with him - COOL! But I can't think that far ahead right now. I'm just going to stay in the moment and enjoy.
Don't worry. My guard will not fall asleep. Thanks for caring, though.
I have to respectfully disagree with many people who have responded so far. 3 weeks of knowing someone is not a relationship. A person who was a stranger to someone 3 weeks ago cannot be and isn't his girl-friend 3 weeks afterwards. I do not ever remember being someone's 'gf' 3 weeks after I met them because let's face it, it would be a bit silly to put it mildly. Not to metion that he is miles away from her and is not sure when he will be seeing her again. He owes her absolutely nothing at this stage; neither does she. I'd see how this develops. Go with the flow - if their 3 weeks' 'acquiantance' with each other becomes something more then I am sad for you. You don't know that this will happen though hence my advise. I wish you luck.
Hon, with all due respect you're all over the place and are overlooking a lot simply because you want this guy so badly. You initially said that 3 weeks does not make a relationship. Think about what you're saying. If this guy was with you for 3 weeks, then would you want someone else to be pursuing your guy because she didn't think what you had constituted a relationship?
And let's talk about the length of time that you've known this guy. You keep on mentioning how people don't know each other in 3 weeks. Yet how long have you known him? Not long enough to know whether or not you should trust him as per your last post. You said everything seems wonderful at the beginning and here you are at the beginning where it's all the honeymoon phase. A relationship can't be determined in 3 weeks yet you can determine that he's a soul mate in such a short amount of time knowing him?
And what about your boyfriend? You're telling him the two of you can talk about where things will go later, but yet you're not truly wanting to fix anything. Your interests lie elsewhere. Your interests lie in hooking up with this guy, not fixing things with your boyfriend.
In one post you say how this guy is the perfect man for you, the next post you say how you and your boyfriend are going to work things out, the next post you talk about how you won't intefere in someone else's relationship yet you are/were doing so in a passive way. Then you post to tell us that the guy is telling you what you want to hear and now you're going out with him. I hate to be the sour apple in the bunch, but it seems to me that you're really confused and are just hearing what you want to hear in order to get what you want.
I don't want to see you hurting so please keep your eyes WIDE open.
Maybe I have been all over the place but the situation was very complicated with my ex. We had a lot of fights and he wasn't ready for a committment of any kind and didn't even like me referring to him as my boyfriend. We were going to try getting back together but I met this guy three days after my boyfriend and I spoke after a month of angry silence and he just seemed to be a better fit. The reason I broke up with my boyfriend is because he's still obsessed with his ex-girlfriend two years after the fact and I can't deal with that. This current guy had nothing to do with the break-up. And this is the third time I've broken up with my boyfriend and as much as I like him, it's just too complicated to stay in a relationship with him. If my boyfriend was willing to try to fix things I would have stayed with him no matter how tempting this new guy is. But he doesn't want to. He comes right out and says that. This is the way he is and I either accept that or leave. Does that sound like someone you should pass up a possible better opportunity for?
As for soulmates - I don't think the term only applies to people you become romantically involved with. I could have friends who I consider to be soulmates and I made that judgement about this guy because I have never known anyone to be so much like me and I did figure that out after many conversations with the guy. We even have the same retirement dream and I mean right down to the exact detail. Wouldn't that send shivers up your spine? If nothing romantic ever happened with this guy I would still consider him a soulmate. I think we have many soulmates in life. It could even be a sibling or parent in my opinion. At least that's what my definition of the term is.
I know you mean well, but I don't feel guilty at all. I will of course keep my eyes open like I will with any new relationship and not because he recently broke up with someone but because we're new. This is dating, isn't it? Dating itself is very back and forth and confusing and I am just rolling with the punches and taking a kind stranger's hand when extended to help me up.
But anyway - we did have a very nice first date tonight. We just went out for some wine after work, talked for three and a half hours and never had a dull moment. Afterwards he walked me to the train station, gave me a hug and the traditional European goodnight kiss (on both cheeks) and said he'll see me on Monday. Nothing so terrible, right?
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