What do I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
What do I do?
3
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 12:32am
Hello out there! I need some serious help!!

There's this guy I've been seeing for only about a week now. I really like him: he's mature, handsome, stable, and he treats me like a queen. I've been out of the dating thing for...well, I've never really dated. I'm 25 and he's 37. I don't know what I feel. He asked me if I could ever give my heart to him. I'm just kind of freaking out because I don't know if he's sincere or if he's just trying to talk me into bed. In my heart, I don't think he's just out to sleep with me. We've made out a little, and I feel bad about that because I really just want to take things slowly. Another thing that I'm kind of worried about is that he confessed that he really hasn't had much of a social life until he met me. I don't want him to think that I'm going to become his social life. I have great friends who I hang out with, and also, I'd like to date more people since I really haven't dated.

I guess I'm afraid that I could lose a good thing if I don't give this a chance to grow. I'm thinking that what I really need to do is just let him know how I feel. I guess I feel that things are moving a little too fast. I just want to get to know him, but still be able to live my life as a single woman. He's even hinted at marriage. He hasn't actually said that he and I are gonna get married. He's just made comments in fun that imply that he's been thinking about it. I just don't know if he's truly smitten with me and is genuinely feeling something or if he's just a lonely man who's looking for a way out of his loneliness. I don't want to feel smothered. I just don't know what to do. I love spending time with him; I just don't want to create a situation where we spend so much time together that I just get bored with the whole thing. Also, there are a few other guys who I would like to hang out with, and I already feel like I'm cheating. Me and this guy aren't even exclusive yet. HELP!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 6:31am
first of all, you've only known him for a week and he's already asking you to give him your heart and hinting on marriage??!! you need to turn and RUN the other direction girl! this guy definitely has problems. i can assure you he is going to be EVERYTHING you DON'T want him to be! clingy, needy, jealous, you name it! that behavior is just not normal... especially not with a 37 year old. he should be mature and have a good head on his shoulders by that age. he sounds like he is neither. sorry for bursting your bubble. just trying to help :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 11:53am
There is no way of knowing answers to any of your questions after having only known a person for one week. Time will give you the answers, though, so... patience! Just keep in mind that it is EASY to treat someone well for a week, to be smitten for a week, to put someone on a pedestal for a week, etc. If he's still feeling this way and treating you this way (and you feel the same about him) after 6 months, then a year, then more years, etc. you just may have found yourself someone who's right for you. But you will only know that over time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 12:46pm
I understand your dilema. What to do...well...I would say give it a little more time. But I tend to agree with the first response...that he will wind up being things you don't want. If you really want to spend more time then I think honesty is the best policy. Let him know that you aren't ready for such a commited relationship. If he is everything you think he is then he will chill out and let things move at a slower pace. Good Luck!