What do I do?! My world has crashed!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2004
What do I do?! My world has crashed!
5
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 8:24pm
I need some serious advice, and soon! My boyfriend, of almost a year, is really scaring me! He just all of a sudden declared that he needed a "break", "some time", "but we aren't over". Let me start from the beginning...approximately two weeks ago, my boyfriend and I went to a football game with my dad and a friend of his. We had such an awesome time, my bf held my hand, protected me from roudy drunks, was smiling nonstop at me, and basically seemed like he was enjoying himself as much as me. The night before had been incredible as well. He and I had a deep conversation where he told me that in four years he was going to sell his house, buy a small farm, and move my horses to his house where we would be living. (That just happens to be when I am scheduled to graduate from college.) I also spent that night at his house where we slept wrapped up in eachother's arms all night long. It was an absolutely perfect weekend. Then I didn't see him for a week, and he started missing days to call me. So I questioned him about it, and he tried to deny that nothing was wrong, then he said he need to think. So I let him think for a couple days, then told him I needed to know what was up. He told me he needed a break to think about things, he said I'm perfect, and that we aren't over with, he just needs time. Then the next day he went with me to dinner at my folks, and was acting as if nothing was wrong, but he couldn't kiss me goodbye.
I don't understand where the change came from all of a sudden. He's done this to me before, the whole "I need to think" game, but we've always gotten through it. But this time it doesn't feel right. What should I do? I'm going crazy, I love him, and know he loves me (even though he's never said it), and don't want to lose him.
Please, any suggestions would be great. My friends' think he's scared to admit that he loves me, but that just doesn't make sense since we had such a good time the last time I saw him. Everyone says we're perfect for eachother, we hardly fight, we have similar goals, and sex is great. What is going on?
Thanks for any help!
Confused and Scared Cowgirl!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 8:32pm
If he's done this before maybe this time he indeed needs the time to think about you both and how he feels about the relationship. I'd suggest to give him some time and space, but continue with your life. I know it'll be tough but then you cannot control his actions or thoughts. Ask him how much time he think he needs and agree in setting a date for him to get back to you. It is possible that during the week you didn't see him he's thought about it all and now he's coming out to you with his desicion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2004
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 8:52pm
Cruise, thanks for your input. I know what you're saying, and he doesn't know when he'll figure things out. He just said he needed time, but he doesn't want me to go away, he still wants to talk to me and see me. But yet he can't give me a simple kiss goodbye at the end of a great evening. I am trying to take a step back and let him have his space. But I'm just so scared of losing hte man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. The man that I love with all my heart.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-27-2004 - 10:49am

redneck cowgirl17...

Pianoguy is humming the tune "REDNECK GIRL" (by the Oak Ridge Boys) as he writes you.

There's no reason to believe that your b/f wants to abandon (aka dump) you, but every now and then...a man needs time to be on his own. Space is just our way of sorting things out and it also gives us the time to realize what our priorities in life truly are. No doubt, your b/f considers YOU a "high priority!"

If you can find a few ways to keep yourself busy doing other stuff over the next couple weeks, you're probably going to have a wonderful holiday and excellent New Year's Eve together.

R-E-L-A-X a little, okay?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2004
Sat, 11-27-2004 - 3:36pm

Thanks pianoguy...
I shake my head in exasperation as I sit here writing you, everyone in both sides of families and friends are convinced that we're "the perfect couple". I've spent the past couple days just going over all the memories from the past year and there isn't anything that I can think of htat was wrong. We fit together like a brand new puzzle. I am trying to take your advice, and my friends, to relax and let him have space...I'm trying I really am! ;) I just am worried that he'll get used to not having me around all the time, and then forget...I know I'm thinking up the worst case scenario...but...I love him! I can't help it...lol
thanks again,
I'll write an update when I find out whats up in his blonde brain.

p.s. Redneck Girl just happens to be my boyfriend's favorite song...he's always telling me he finally found his "Redneck Girl".

-Cowgirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 11:02am

It doesn't matter if everyone on the planet think you are right for each other, it only matters what the two of you are feeling. So comparing to what other feels about your relationship is futile.

Just give him his space and do your own thing.