What Do I Do Next

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
What Do I Do Next
12
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 10:18pm
I have been seeing this guy since January,and seeing is defined by a phone call once a week and getting together at the bar everyother weekend, and the occasional coming home with me.He wouldn't have sex with me until last weekend, and now that we have I feel like I made a mistake.Don't get me wrong it was great but I'm going crazy not knowing where we stand. How am I supposed to confront him with the "where do we stand question" without making him feel put on the spot? I am a very upfront person and say things that come out harsh or overwhelming, I need to know how to approch this in a sensiable way....please help!

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Avatar for bratgirl2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
In reply to: daila77
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 10:37pm
I really believe in establishing "where do we stand" before involving sex. I hate to say it but it sounds like a fling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
In reply to: daila77
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 11:35pm
well u can always just ask whats up with all this..and if the guy is still interested not only in sex or in a relationship...move on and see others too ...atleas u girl have the power to block sex whenever u want
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
In reply to: daila77
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 11:20am
Well I think you were right about the fling....I asked a week ago if we could do dinner within the next week well yesterday was the end of the week and I get the this week is kinda crazy...then he says we'll do it on a weekend.I asked about Friday and no he has plans with his buddies.Then he finishes the conversation with we will do it next week I have the week off and there will be more time,I'll call you tomorrow.So my Question is do I tell him not to worry about dinner because I'm finding I'm more of a convience than anything else?? Or should I just simply ask why he even bothers calling?? Thanks for the advice it really helps to get it from a third party.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
In reply to: daila77
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 11:32am
I think that if you are really interested in the guy, then you deserve to ask questions and get some closure. However, if it's just a fling to you (or something close to it) then I would just try to move on without contacting him.

But one question:

Why would he not have sex with you until recently?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
In reply to: daila77
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 11:57am
Well I AM really intrested in this guy,that is why I am having such a hard time with all of this.And to awnser your question about why he wouldnt have sex with me until now...Im not sure, he claimed when I asked why he wouldn't, that he isn't the type guy to just rush into things......After we had sex I started crying and told him to get his stuff on because I was taking him home...He grabbed me and said I am not trying to hurt you in anyway,shape or form....trust me,now lets get some sleep.He called on his regular schedule that week but still can't seem to pencil me in for dinner even though he has time to make plans with his buddies....He has said that I am scandalous, but I'm beggining to think that that is his MO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
In reply to: daila77
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 12:30pm
It very well could be his MO. BUT, you have to remember that guys do need time with their buddies also!

However, I do feel that you deserve an explaination. If it were me, (and I have my fair share of problems, so you may not want to take my advice), I would just point blank ask him. I prefer to ask these things face to face, hard as it may be. But at least then you can see his reaction (if you can pin him down long enough to ask face to face). It may not be what you want to hear, but at least then you would know. I believe in flat out honesty, even if it is hurtful at times.

How long were you guys dating before he agreed to sex?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
In reply to: daila77
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 12:59pm
I do understand the need for friends because I too make time for mine.We didn't get together Sat. because it was girls night out....I too would like to ask him in person but I can't seem to get him to dinner.We had been doing the heavy petting and cuddling thing for almost three months before we actually had sex.I was expecting the same that night but he was eager to finally open up and yeah...I did it, my head was saying not too, but my heart was the conquer, and as we all know that is were the confusion starts....since I can't get him in person I think I need to do it over the phone....but were do I begin?? Am I a convience for him? Does he call because he feels obligated or is he intrested? Or flat out ask him what his intentions are with this whole screwed up situation? Where does he see this going? As you8 can tell this dating thing is not me--- I have avoided this whole scene for two and a half years, now I know why....
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
In reply to: daila77
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 1:25pm
I completely feel your pain! My problem just called me and told me he's not sure if we can get together for the dinner date we had planned tonight. I'm so devastated. I'm not sure what I am to him, even though he told me he wanted a relationship. He's supposed to call me back in 3 hours (which will be the longest 3 hours of my life).

I guess if you can't get him in person, you need to ask him over the phone, just for your own peace of mind. However, if you can't get him in person, that might be your answer right there. I hate to say it, but that's what I'm leaning towards. If he wanted to see you he would. It sucks, but true. Not sure why he'd hang around for 3 months and not have sex, unless he was having sex with someone else. I know I'm being cynical, but I've been there too...


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
In reply to: daila77
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 1:34pm
Well I thought there was someone else too but I asked him when the last time he was with someone sexualy and he said it had been like a year.He said that women are never happy with what they have and are always on the look out for something better....so what was your problems resoning for not being able to do dinner? I just love the excuses....well I think if mine calls before 9pm Im ganna ask why is it that you call, and take it from there.If he don't then I'm calling and telling him to not worry about dinner, because it seems like too much of an inconvice and take it from there....I think that those are my best choices at this point....
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
In reply to: daila77
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 1:54pm
Yup, it seems at this point you need some answers. Of course you will probably get some funky story about why he calls, etc...I take them with a grain of salt.

If he doesn't call, then it's time to try your hardest to put this behind you. That is the hard part, the worst part! I don't do well with the dating thing at all. Of course it helps for us to get involved with better men to date too!

Long story on my guys excuse, but it seems like it COULD be legitimate. However, I don't appreciate being left hanging. I guess it wouldn't be such a big deal, but I was really looking forward to it.

I am going to call him in a bit, and just tell him I need to know what is up for tonight. I'm going to have more respect for myself than to let myself go thru this. If he ditches me, I'm going to tell him exactly how I feel, no holding back, and if he is sincere about me, he will do his best to make it right. If not, then I have my answer.

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