What do I do now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
What do I do now?
4
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 7:36am

So I went on a date with a guy I met a few weeks ago. It went really well, we seem to share the same views on things, he's nice, smart and exactly my type. I may have been cold - I tend to avoid physical contact until I'm fairly sure that things are going somewhere, otherwise I'd get too emotionally involved. Thing is, he doesn't know my city (country) at all, and got me to plan the first date. There might also be a few cultural issues going on. I really love his country, went there, and have been learning the language for some time. He seemed to appreciate that and talked about his hometown a lot, which was fascinating.

He texted me later that night and we've been e-mailing and texting each other back and forth since then. But he never seems to actually take the initiative of asking me out somewhere. I'm not worrying about this - I've always been single (I have ridiculously high standards and am fine with them) and really don't mind that, but if he did start to like me I wouldn't want to mess it up. I'm very independant and don't mind taking initiatives, I just am unexperienced and have no idea what the right move would be. (By the way, neither of us is a phone person.)




Edited 8/26/2006 7:47 am ET by gaby362
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: gaby362
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 7:43am

What you have here is a guy who doesn't like to take the initiative. You don't need to know a city to plan a date. Everyone has a guidebook they can read, all he'd have to do is open it up, find something to do and suggest it.

This man may enjoy email and texting more than getting together face to face. Perhaps you ought to cool the computer messaging a bit.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: gaby362
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 1:19pm

I would be turned off by his lack of initiative, personally. What I would probaby do is email him something like, "call me when you would like to get together again" and then not really respond unless he proposes another get-together. Even a non-phone person can make ONE phone call to plan a date, for crying out loud ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
In reply to: gaby362
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 10:05am
Well, we email each other every day so I was thinking of casually adding 'By the way, just call me when you'd like to get together again' (not in English), but I'm afraid that it might sound a bit desperate after only three days. ;-) So how long do you think I should wait ? And anyway, why would he bother to text and e-mail me daily asking how I am, etc (not exactly for conversation's sake, and I never initiated contact) if he just wanted to move on? Yesterday I told him that I was going to some kind of fair in my hometown, and I'm almost sure that I saw his car there (his plate has one very special characteristic), which was weird. I have this feeling that he's waiting for me to make a move, and since I've been cold during the first date I'm wondering if maybe it's worrying him. I now realize that at one point he may have wanted to kiss me, but I was so nervous that I freaked out and I didn't see it at the time...


Edited 8/27/2006 10:07 am ET by gaby362
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: gaby362
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 11:37am

Some people are content to be email and phone buddies. If that's not what you want, then take a bit of initiative, especially if you feel that he might not know you're interested in seeing him again (although for me, if a guy is that timid and won't take a chance on asking me out again, that's a turn off).

As for when, I'd do it when you can't stand him not asking you out ;-), whether that's today, or a week from today.

Sheri