What to do???? Something is missing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
What to do???? Something is missing.
2
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 12:09pm


I don't know where to start. I am a recently divorced woman with children. I recently met two different men, who knew of each other for the last 4 months. I dated both VERY casually. Finally I asked "S" to leave because he couldn't respect my sexual boundaries, and he seemed to "play" with my emotions. I really liked the chemistry, but I couldn't deal with the drama that seemed to accompany it.

Fast forward to today, I have been dating "A" since the beginning. So when he realized I kicked "S" to the curb he has intensified his attention. Granted he is "safe" and doesn't do anything to disrespect me. On paper he is quite a catch, and is exactly what I am/was looking for. A few things are keeping me from getting more serious about the relationship. I hate to be cliche, but he just isn't my "soulmate".

1)Physically I am NOT attracted to him.
2)He doesn't have a good sense of humor.
3)He is a LOUSY kisser (SORRY-I cannot imagine being intimate with him)
4)He is a workaholic.

He has flat out stated he loves me, at which point I winced. He also has alluded to marriage more than once. He has asked me somewhere where he has bought tickets to something in June AND July for us. How do I tell him this may not lead where he wants? I hate to burst his bubble, but I get more cold feet by the day. I keep thinking something will happen and we will get more comfortable with each other and the sense of humor and attraction will just "show up".

SO WHAT DO I DO???????

HELP

nuday07

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 12:30pm
You can try to be honest with him and tell him you do not reciprocate his feelings. You have been dating him for 4 months, that is plenty of time to give someone a chance. Soulmates are alot of hype and people have romanticized that word to become a goal or a brass ring to grasp for, building unrealistic expectations. That doesn't sound like what you are experiencing. If you can meet someone who you like, attracted to, kisses you the way you need to be kissed, and makes you laugh, then that can me your "soul mate" if that is what you want. Don't settle for less. July can be a loooonnngg way off if you are dating someone so he can bring you to an event. Do yourself and he a favor (he'll find someone else to take) and just break it off.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 12:50pm
What to do? You break up with him. It's clear that this isn't the guy for you. Don't keep him going thinking that you're both on the same page. Make a clean and compassionate break...