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| Thu, 11-03-2005 - 11:40am |
I would like to hear your opinion about North American and European dating, if you have one.
Dear Dating Doyenne and fellow gals,
I am really confused and I would like your opinions:
1, If you go out with a guy, he pays for the first or second meals, then starting from the third or fourth meals onwards, you offer to either pay or share the cost, and he always readily agrees. What would you tell from this? A girl told me if a guy doesn't even want to pay the bill, he definitely doens't like you. But I've also heard of somebody else say that in North American and European culture, guys usually allow or even expect women to pay because they think women usually feel offended if they don't share the cost (kind of influenced by the feminist movement). So what do you think?
2, Suppose you are shopping with a guy, and you have been going out regularly for the past months. Then both of you bought something, he asked you whether you wanted him to pay, you said no and were prepared to pay for yourself. However, the shop assistant mistakenly put his stuff with yours too. He saw it and didn't say anything. Ultimately you are forced to speak up, because you think it wrong to pay for the guy's stuff and he is much richer than you. How would you interpret this? Does the fact that he saw the shop assitant put his stuff (though not very expensive) with yours and didn't say anything mean that he didn't have a strong sense of integrity? Should this be counted against him and never date him again?

1. Yes, around date 3-4 it is time to pony up money for the tip or part of the costs of a date. However, if the man makes substantially more money than you then he should be taking on more of the dating costs than you. It depends on income levels.
2. If this man expects you to pay for his purchases then you need to talk to him. If it was a small item I'd let it go. However, if cheapness rears its ugly head then you need to reevaluate the relationship.
For question #2 that is just wrong. If he saw what happened and didnt do anything about it, then he thinks you are either blind or thinks you are okay with it. He should have told the clerk, "excuse me, those are my things" or if he has money like you said offer to pay for the whole purchase. A man who is interested will offer to give you things, that's how guys show how much they appreciate you or like you buy giving you things.
I would see this as a red flag, unless he was not paying attention or totally out of it, but this seems unlikely. I always think guys should pay most of the time. I mean wouldnt you agree that most women pay for their dates before the actual date. The clothes, cosmetics, beauty treatments etc. is one type of expense and some can be very expensive. Guys don't have to do all that....we at least most guys.
1- Yes, after a few dates it's time to pitch in for the cost. It's not hard to do... he bought concert tickets, then you buy dinner. He buys dinner, you buy drinks, etc. Of course, this is relative to both your incomes and by the 4th or 5th date, you're both probably aware of what the other is capable of. If you're dating for a while and he can clearly afford more than you, sometimes surprises are a nice thing to do.
2- He should not have let this slide. Even if it was something cheap, just ignoring it would strike me as strange, at least. I don't think this one incident is cause to run away but you need to make sure it doesn't repeat consistently.