What do you all think of this...?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
What do you all think of this...?
18
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 5:11am
I've been doing the internet dating thing... I live in a part of the world where the single scene is absolutely dire, (seriously - I have not met ONE interesting guy in the two years that I have lived here!) so thought I would try it.. One of the first guys to e-mail me seemed absolutely fantastic (yes, I know, pure fantasy until you meet, but still!) though lives a plane ride away (although he said in his profile that he could and would live anywhere in the world if the circumstances dictated!) In any event, we exchanged a few mails and some pictures and I had said after a few e-mails that I thought that we should meet, since it's all very well to like the look of somebody, but face to face chemistry is something altogether different, besides which, I'm not looking to develop a relationship on-line - I don't want or need an e-mail pal, have plenty of friends and have no interest in getting all hot and heavy on-line with somebody I've never met - seems like a complete waste of time to me. (I did phrase it nicely though!)

He waited five days before responding - saying that he'd been 'staying with friends'. No problem, I've never even met the guy, so whatever.. Anyway he told me that he was up for coming down to meet me and asked me to find a cheap Bed and Breakfast in the area. I responded saying that I'd do a little research on it and get back to him, but then I heard nothing back from him. After four or five days, I sent him a brief e-mail saying that maybe he was really busy, or perhaps he'd had some success on the site a little closer to home, but that if he was still interested in coming down to meet me, I had some info for him and that he should let me know but if not, best of luck and all that. He got back to me the same day, giving me this story about how he had had to rescue this old couple he knew from a DIY disaster, but that he had checked out flights and they seemed cheap enough and that he was totally up for it and to send him the info. I sent him the info - he then waited another few days to answer (bear in mind - according to this guy, he has been successful enough in his business that he 'doesn't have to do the 9 to 5 grind' to quote him. ) And said that the Saturday night flight looked like the best one and that he was going to e-mail the B&B for more information that day. Since he'd taken his time getting back to me, I thought I'd wait a little while to respond - had a busy weekend, and sent him a short e-mail after the weekend, saying, great, sounds good, let me know when you want to make some plans. That was Monday - it's Friday today. I feel kind of irritated and annoyed and feel like if this is his MO - we would not be well suited - I tend to feel as though he is playing games - not responding and then when I've got one foot out the door, responding the same day. I was thinking of writing a brief e-mail just saying that I don't think we'd be a good match since our communication styles seem to be so different, but perhaps it's best to just say nothing -- what do you all think?

Thanks for any feedback.

Coolas

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 6:38am
I would let this one go and move on - I give one chance for unreliability. My guess is he is married/attached.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 10:47am
Go with your gut. If his slowness in responding has tempered your enthusiasm to the point where if he did visit you would start out with a negative impression of him, then cancel and move on.

Was the meeting supposed to be for this weekend -i.e., was he supposed to fly in tomorrow? Or some other Saturday? If it was tomorrow then he is very late in confirming plans with you and I'd tell him to forget it. If it was for another weekend, then the only thing he has done "wrong" is to be slow in responding to your emails. Which I wouldn't read too much into. He could truly just be busy. Or, for example, we had a hurricane here last year and my power was out for several days so I didn't write back to some guys I was corresponding with for almost a week. I just explained the situation when I did write back and they were all very understanding.

If he were consistently ignoring your emails for days and then responding immediately when you asked him if he'd changed his mind, THEN I would think he had some issues. But it sounds like he only did that once, so it could have just been that the day you wrote to him was the first time in awhile he'd logged on to check his email. Or you could be right and he might be playing games.

Like I said, though, go with your gut. If you do feel like he's playing games, then you probably won't like him when you meet him so it might just be a waste of time.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 10:55am
I can tell you that guy time is different from girl time. Take what you consider a quick response, multiply by 5 or 7. At this point, I wouldn't take his time lapses as meaning anything but that he'a guy with a life. It actually sounds to me like he may be quite interested. If you actually get to know him, then you can talk about different perceptions and expectations of time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 11:03am
"I can tell you that guy time is different from girl time. Take what you consider a quick response, multiply by 5 or 7."

LOL, that's funny. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 3:50pm
I say you should have exchanged phone numbers by now. I would want to hear this persons's voice before I met him. Also, if he gives you his home number, that's a better indication that he is NOT married or living with someone.

If he writes you back, get his home number. Send him the Bed and Breakfast info, and let HIM firm up the plans to come and see you. I don't think you need to make any more arrangements.

Otherwise, just go forward with the rest of your Internet dates as if this guy doesn't exist. You will probably end up dropping him, anyway, because you're already annoyed with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 5:37pm

I vote for do

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 8:39am
Well the big update is that I never heard from him - not a word - and I never bothered getting in touch, because really, what's the point?

Strange though - the last e-mail he sent he sounded all fired up and ready to come down here (we never discussed specific dates, that's the e-mail I was waiting for!) and then nothing. I did something a bit sneaky too - I checked his profile on match to see if he'd been active - and he certainly had. So... Moving right along...

Thanks for the feedback all!

Coolas

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 10:17am
Just an FYI - you probably know this, but this happens A LOT with online dating. Men (and women) disappear all the time. Actually, I've done it. Nothing to take personally - which it doesn't sound like you are, which is great.

Good luck in meeting someone else!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 10:19am
Then Deena was probably right... this is probably a married guy (or someone with a girlfriend) having "fun" on the Internet. What a creep...

I had an experience a couple of years ago exactly like that. I started corresponding with a guy who lives about an hour and a half away. We talked for weeks, and when the time came for him to come to my city, all of a sudden something came up and he couldn't make it. He never rescheduled either, and I didn't care because I thought it was awfully suspicious. I stopped talking to him.

But what puzzles me is: why do married men post their pictures on Internet dating sites? Are they THAT sure that their wives or girlfriends will not see the ad?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 3:58pm

In answer to your question:

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