What do you all think of this...?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
What do you all think of this...?
18
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 5:11am
I've been doing the internet dating thing... I live in a part of the world where the single scene is absolutely dire, (seriously - I have not met ONE interesting guy in the two years that I have lived here!) so thought I would try it.. One of the first guys to e-mail me seemed absolutely fantastic (yes, I know, pure fantasy until you meet, but still!) though lives a plane ride away (although he said in his profile that he could and would live anywhere in the world if the circumstances dictated!) In any event, we exchanged a few mails and some pictures and I had said after a few e-mails that I thought that we should meet, since it's all very well to like the look of somebody, but face to face chemistry is something altogether different, besides which, I'm not looking to develop a relationship on-line - I don't want or need an e-mail pal, have plenty of friends and have no interest in getting all hot and heavy on-line with somebody I've never met - seems like a complete waste of time to me. (I did phrase it nicely though!)

He waited five days before responding - saying that he'd been 'staying with friends'. No problem, I've never even met the guy, so whatever.. Anyway he told me that he was up for coming down to meet me and asked me to find a cheap Bed and Breakfast in the area. I responded saying that I'd do a little research on it and get back to him, but then I heard nothing back from him. After four or five days, I sent him a brief e-mail saying that maybe he was really busy, or perhaps he'd had some success on the site a little closer to home, but that if he was still interested in coming down to meet me, I had some info for him and that he should let me know but if not, best of luck and all that. He got back to me the same day, giving me this story about how he had had to rescue this old couple he knew from a DIY disaster, but that he had checked out flights and they seemed cheap enough and that he was totally up for it and to send him the info. I sent him the info - he then waited another few days to answer (bear in mind - according to this guy, he has been successful enough in his business that he 'doesn't have to do the 9 to 5 grind' to quote him. ) And said that the Saturday night flight looked like the best one and that he was going to e-mail the B&B for more information that day. Since he'd taken his time getting back to me, I thought I'd wait a little while to respond - had a busy weekend, and sent him a short e-mail after the weekend, saying, great, sounds good, let me know when you want to make some plans. That was Monday - it's Friday today. I feel kind of irritated and annoyed and feel like if this is his MO - we would not be well suited - I tend to feel as though he is playing games - not responding and then when I've got one foot out the door, responding the same day. I was thinking of writing a brief e-mail just saying that I don't think we'd be a good match since our communication styles seem to be so different, but perhaps it's best to just say nothing -- what do you all think?

Thanks for any feedback.

Coolas

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 5:50am
What I find so strange is that in his profile he made this whole big deal about how he was 'single, baggage free and ready to commit to the right girl' to quote him. Then, at one point, I gave him an out and he could have just come back and said, yeah, met somebody else - good luck, etc., but instead he responded the same day saying, no, no, totally into coming to see you, just been busy...

Very strange. But no, not taking it personally, taking it as a sign that this guy must be dodgy - or else he met somebody else which is fine, but after all the correspondence and photos and all, you would have thought he would have been gentlemanly enough to tell me.

Ah well. Moving right along...

Thanks all!!

Coolas

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 5:52am
Hi ad made me giggle. "Baggage free?" If someone has to advertise it, I would think that the reverse is true. hehe

But I'm glad to see you're not distressed over it. Good luck with the next one. :)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 7:53am
I have something in my profile about looking for a committed relationship/marriage. The ONLY guys thus far who have responded and said they are looking for a committed rel/marriage - two men who are separated! Dude, you're ALREADY married! How funny is that?!


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 7:56am
You'd be surprised how many guys say they are baggage free. I always have the same thought as you. Everyone has SOME baggage, I think those who say they don't just aren't aware of it.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 8:35am
You know, I have to admit, I find this whole internet dating thing baffling! This guy told me he joined just so that he could write to me (the more I think about it, the more I think he's full of sh*t!) I've had a couple of guys e-mail and then disappear into nothingness, after a response (was it something I said? lol!!) lots of strange dudes out there..

I have to say - I've been at this for about a month and I'm not sure how much I like it -- I haven't met anybody yet mind you! But I find it surprisingly difficult to write about myself to a stranger I have never met. And don't have much interest in getting into some long-winded exchange - Perhaps I come across as a bit abrupt or maybe too direct, but then I think that if a guy is put off by an e-mail I send then he probably won't be for me. Just got a very interesting e-mail from a guy in Paris (I'm down in the South) but I sure ain't holding my breath at this point!

Thanks for your thoughts!

Coolas

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 8:52am
Internet dating is strange and takes some getting used to, certainly. People do disappear a lot. They change their mind, meet someone else, etc. Bear in mind that there are some 'repeat offenders.' Guys who just write to everyone. There is one guy who, within 2 days of my profile being active, winked at me twice, emailed me and sent me his website address - and I remember him doing the same thing when I was on the site a year ago! Oh, and btw, he doesn't meet most of my criteria. He must just do nothing but troll the site looking for new profiles, LOL.

It does take time to separate the wheat from the chaff . . .


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 12:12pm
I'm left with only one word for that kind of behavior... WEIRDO. You have to be a weirdo if you're a grown man who thinks it's fun to play on the computer and telephone with single women, pretend you're going to meet them and then disappear. Apparently, Internet dating sites are full of weirdos.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 3:25am
Update:

Well, predictably, as soon as I was certain I'd heard the last of him, he's resurfaced. His 'excuse' is that he's been in Toronto with his brother for the last couple of weeks (they don't have e-mail there?) and was sorry he hadn't been in touch. However, he's still up for 'wining and dining me' if I'm 'still on the market'.

On the one hand I'm tempted to tell him to f-off because I'm not interested in unreliable men, on the other, I've got that curiosity killed the cat type of thing going on - I'd like to get a look at him in the flesh, at least have dinner with him before I decide definitively that I'm not interested. I'm certainly very suspect now - and would definitely be watching the feet and not the lips, but wonder whether there's any point.

Thoughts please. Thanks all!

Coolas

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