what do you think this means?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2005
what do you think this means?
8
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 11:27am

So i saw that guy I've been asking about here on saturday. I called him after this party I went to at about 7pm (as planned) and he came over. we'd both eaten already. We decided to go for a walk by the beach. So we did that for about an hour or so, then we came back to my place and watched a movie. Hardly any touching took place at all throughout it...so at the end we kissed and he said he was going to leave. Last time we stayed in the same bed. I was feeling a little weird and i guess he could tell. He said that he didnt want me to think that all he was into was just hooking up with me...i said, is that all you think i'm into and he laughed and said no. We kept kissing...he had told me earlier in the night a little on the walk that he feels like i am confusing...i dont know how i have been. He said in terms of when we make plans he feels like i am...like i question whether we're still doing something, even though it's already been said that we have been.

So tonight before he left i got a little bold and told him outrihgt that i get confused as to whether he wants to see me again after each date. He was confused and said, really? i said, YES. He asked if it would make me feel more comfortable if we just went ahead and made plans for tuesday. I stupidly said, no! because i didnt want to seem annoying. He said he does want to see me again and if he didnt he would tell me...so that made me feel better. He then told me that i'm welcome to come hang out at his place after work whenever (i work close to where he lives) so he seemed suprised about my uncertainty....but i dont think he was that clear with me...i told him that he doenst seem to like to make plans, he said he thought it seemed clear that he wanted to see me again. Confusion! so i did want him to stay (ho that i am i guess) but he said he thought it would be best if he left. So i walked him out, and asked who would call who next. He said we are past that stage and it shouldnt matter. So i guess i am not going to worry about it. He said he'd see me soon. We kissed goodbye, several times. So i'm glad we talked about it...i wished he would have stayed...but the last time things got pretty hot and heavy, no sex...so maybe he was thinking that would happen again and it may have 'frustrated' him. So that's it...he said he likes me and wants to see me again. AFter 3 weeks and all this confusion i guess that's all i can ask for. I appreciated that he asked if it would make me more comfortable if we just set up a date now...but i didnt want to seem annoying...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2006
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 4:21pm

Molly311,

You are confusing me. LOL No, seriously, why would you feel you were being annoying to set up plans for Tuesday? He obviously wanted to make plans with you since he asked to go ahead and make plans in advance, told you to stop by his place anytime, and told you he wants to keep seeing you. What is confusing about that? Also, he showed some respect for you by not ending up in the same bed again, and telling you he didn't want you to think that's all he wants. You said it seems like he doesn't want to make plans but it sounds to me like he's really trying to make plans with you. Relax, and just give him a call, or when he calls just tell him SURE you'd love to go out. He wants to go out with you so he obviously doesn't feel it would be annoying for you to accept. Have Fun.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2005
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 4:37pm
well i havent heard from him since saturday...i contacted him after the last date so i just think he should contact me...I know what he SAID but it's his actions that will matter...if i havent heard from him by wednesday I think I will just forget him...I might send an e-mail or somethign...but this is annoying.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2005
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 10:06am
so he has e-mailed me but i havent heard from him as far as the phone goes...what do you honestly think is going on?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 9:29pm

The better question is, what do YOU think is going on? A guy has expressed interest in you, tried to make advance plans, and made it clear that you don't need to keep tabs on whose turn it is to call. Why not take him at his word?

Up until now, you've been confusing and wishy-washy towards him, so if you do like him, I think it is time for you to make a clear, assertive gesture to him of your interest--CALL HIM. Just call to say hello and to see if he'd like to meet again soon. What's stopping you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2005
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 10:40am
well i sent him a text last night and he didnt respond...i sent it at about 11:30...i am confused.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 11:36am

Honestly, I would have done the assertive thing and called him. For me, texts are what I send when I'm not expecting a response or don't need one right away. I can see that you're reluctant to really put yourself out there because you haven't gotten the grand gestures from him that you want, but remember that you two just started dating. He's still getting to know you and vice versa. This is the stage where you should keep expectations low while also being accessible to communicate.

From what you describe, it doesn't sound like a good match. He doesn't communicate the way you want him to and this would only continue to be frustrating. I think it's time to move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2005
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 11:46am

WEll i sent him an e-mail saying this:

Hi there, I sent you a text last night did you get it? It was kind of late…anyways, I haven’t really talked to you much this week so I wanted to say hi. What are you up to this weekend, anything fun?

I havent got a response yet...but that's my last attempt

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 12:07pm

I suppose that's fine, but I do think it's time to move on from him. I'm not saying his behavior is acceptable. I do agree that his lack of communication is impolite and might be sending a message of his lack of interest. And this certainly doesn't match up with some of what he told you earlier. That said, it sounds like there's been so much miscommunication (your saying "no" to scheduling a date I'm sure threw him for a loop) in the meantime that he may have just decided to move on. He might also be lazy about communicating but is great in person. I've known tons of people like this, and I don't think the struggle of pinning them down is worth it. I'd just end up resentful and figure there are other people out there who will be more dependable and show they like me by putting forth some effort.

Even if this guy does respond, I don't understand why you'd want to continue seeing him if it's so frustrating. It seems to me that the best you can do in this situation is learn from it for the next guy. Be more straightforward, don't play games, make your wants and expectations clear if they're really important to you.