what does this boy want

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
what does this boy want
3
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 1:00pm

what do i do guys? what is going on here...

ive been seeing a guy on and off for over a year. its clear that there are strong feelings involved but we have never officially been a couple.
hes 19 and in his first year of university, and im a year younger. he is always busy and stressed out with school. we get really close, then have a few days with less contact, then close again, on and off, back and forth.

whenever we get on the topic of dating officially, things get awkward and uneasy. he claims he is not good with relationships and finds them complicated and filled with; arguments, jelousy, and having a hard time finding time for one another.
however... he doesnt hook up with or care for other girls, or go out with other people often.

i fell as if we are at a standstill... and i am left wanting more.
what do i do? is something wrong with me? him?
whats going on in his head?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 3:58pm

Honey, the problem is his, but you're enabling the situation. He's got it all with you, frindship, sex and company, and it's all casual. Why would he want something serious and committed if he can have it all with you as it is? That's why he gets close and you feel like "wow! we could be official", but then he pulls away...in other words...the moment you ask for more, he comes again with his arguments of how relationship are difficult and such, AND they are because they require committment and responsability to the other. He doesn't want that and that's why you've been on and off for a year with nothin but waiting on your part, waiting to see if he changes his mind.

IMHO, this guy will keep at it as long as you allow it to go on. If you want to remain friends, then be friends and stop the sex. Friends don't have sex. If you want something serious tell him so and see what he says. If he keeps at it then you'd know that things in a year will remain the same.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Sun, 03-18-2007 - 10:04am

Geez, if you didn't mention that he was 19 I'd be thinking you were seeing the same guy I've been seeing for the past six months.

I agree 100% with lightandbright. It may just be that he's very young and doesn't want to feel confined, but then why get involved, right? I would definitly cut off any sexual activity with this guy. Believe me - if you don't then this back and forth with him will only continue and frustrate you more and you WILL be the only one who gets hurt.

Lay down the law. Tell him that you respect yourself too much to continue a relationship like this and let him decide what he wants to do because he can't have his cake and eat it, too. In the meantime, keep your eyes peeled for the guy who will treat you the way you deserve. He's out there and you may miss him if you allow yourself to be preoccupied with this one.

P.S. - I will be following the same advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 1:47pm

There's nothing wrong with him - he's just not ready for a committed relationship, that he's honest about it is a good thing.


So take it as a sign to get out there and date others. If it is meant to be the two of you will come together at some point - timing is important - if not, you will find someone else


,