What does 'casual' really mean?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2006
What does 'casual' really mean?
9
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 4:04am

I started seeing this man last week. It's obviously really new, but I don't know what to make of our situation.

After our first date, he said he's not looking for a girlfriend right now. He just broke up with his ex 2 weeks ago, so he wants to keep this casual. He said to call him whenever and he'll call me...and we'll hook up. He said it's not that he wants to be single, but he doesn't even know if he's going to be staying in the city much longer, so no relationship. But he really enjoyed being with me.

After that, we have been together quite a few times. He treats me well, like he would a girl he's dating. We've had sex a few times too. It's not wham bam - it's over either. He's pretty sweet during the foreplay with the kissing and whatnot. He acts like it's more than 'casual'.

Could it be possible this might evolve into an actual relationship, and he's just scared to rebound, or is it really just sex to him? I am concerned if I continue in this that I will get my heart broken, because I am pretty much falling hard for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 7:28am

He doesn't want a relationship. He very much wants a friend with benefits. This most likely will not turn into a relationship. This man wants casual sex which means no relationship.

Please believe him because he has made himself perfectly clear.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 12:30pm

Casual means that he doesn't want the obligations of a relationship, just the benefits.

A man can like you, enjoy your company, like the companionship (not just the sex), and STILL not want to be in a relationship with any commitments or obligations. As I've posted several times recently on this board, it's not like there's nothing in between "just sex" on one end of the spectrum, and "serious committed relationship" at the other end. There is a LOT of room in the middle.

So no, just because it's more than just sex, doesn't mean it has the potential to be a serious or committed relationship. A lot of women seem to have trouble grasping that, for some reason.

Believe him when he says he's not looking for a GF, and only stay in this relationship if you are willing to either accept things as they are, or get hurt.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 2:41pm

If you're falling for him, get out of this now.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 8:29pm

Casual means not serious and not serious means that he and you can go about your business and call each othber whenever you want to. There is no responsability or obligation to one another. You can't ask him to call you more often and he can't either because you're not dating seriously. He can see other people and so you can. Casual means that you're both enjoying the moment.

Can it evolve into something serious? it depends, this time on him. He's the one not wanting a serious relationship. He wants it casual.

If you want more than sex and friendship I'd suggest to move on. He's plans ARE to have a FWB deal with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2006
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 12:35am

Thanks for all the feedback, everyone. It helped a lot. I think a person always knows the answer, but needs validation from others on the outside.

It's still really early. We haven't known each other long, so I'll take it easy and not worry too much about what happens.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 10:58am

<<>>>

I am in NO way or form telling you what to do or think, BUT by your last reply to everyone you want this casual relationship to be more serious as time progresses. You're tryin gto convince yourself that this guy WILL change his mind as time passes and as you both get to know each other. That happens in one out of a hundred casual relationships. The emotional inestability is these kind of relationships is enourmus and time consuming for the party who wants serious. There are constant thoughts of "Will he change his mind?

The man says "I'm out of a relationship and want something casual, I like you and enjoy being with you, so lets keep it casual" The woman agrees and thinkns that by dating him the entire deal will evolve into serious. The woman is setting up herself for disappointment and a heart ache. He HAS his mind set and nobody will change it, but him. The woman is his rebound and the rebound is casual. In time he'll move on to a more serious relationship with another woman when he's ready for it. In some instances he may go back to his EX and back to the rebound. OR he may not.

In your original post you stated that ....<<>>

Believe him hon, he IS enjoying himself with you, BUT he's not thinking in a serious deal, he not even thinking in staying in the city much longer. His plans, future plans, do not include you.

I think that deep inside you know what's going to happen, BUT you want to see what happens if you stay with him. Good luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 9:53pm
He is being honest with you and you should take him at his word. He JUST broke up with his ex.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2006
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 7:49pm
You're right. I need to back off a bit. At least so he can see that I am not just a toy for his sexual amusement. And to get things clearer in my own head. Thanks for your advice. I will try to be more careful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 11-19-2006 - 10:03pm
Yes, abundantly clear. Please try to accept what he is saying
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