What does he really feel?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2004
What does he really feel?
1
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 9:25am
I had been seeing this guy for about a year. When we broke up he said the famous line "I love you but I'm not in love with you." He didn't want to stay together because he knew I wanted more. Within a week he began to see another girl but he continued to call me saying I was his best friend and could tell me anything. I asked him to leave me alone but he kept calling. I explained to him he was seeing someone new and needed to concentrate on his new relationship he needed to talk to her not me. He said he couldn't he couldn't share his dreams with her she didn't want to hear. I told him then maybe she wasn't the right girl. I told him to follow his heart and to leave me alone. I didn't hear from him for about two weeks then he called. Things apparently didn't work out. He said he couldn't understand why. He thought he was in love with her but didn't know what he had done wrong. He said while they had good times, it wasn't the same type of fun we had. He felt comfortable in our relationship and he never felt he could trust her.

Here is my question- what does he want from me and what does he really feel? I was heartbroken when we broke up because I couldn't understand how he could say I was his best friend and how he could talk about marriage and what our kids would look like and then say he wasn't in love. He claims that he tried because people kept telling him he was stupid if he lost me. I don't want to get close him again and I don't think that's waht he wants but I don't know. I can't figure out why he still wants to keep talking and why when he felt he was in love with this other girl he still felt compelled to keeping calling me.

What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 9:54am
Hi,

I would be very cautious about starting up with him again... he told you he loved you but wasn't in love with you and even that he tried to stay with you because people told him he would be stupid if he lost you. I am sorry but I what he was saying is that he tried to love you the way you wanted but it just wasn't there. Your statement..

<<>>

...tells me that he did want to stay with her but she might have dumped him thus the comments he made. I think it would be in your best interest to stay away from him. He might come back but I feel that if he finds someone else, you are going to go back on the back burner and hurt all over again.

I know what I am talking about, I was seeing someone who dumped me but kept me in the wings by calling once a week to 'say hi'. He did his own thing and then when he and his most current situation didn't work out he would call me again. I'm just glad I wasn't foolish enough to go back to what we had for as long as I can get it.. no way, I talked briefly and then hung up with no plans for seeing him again. Eventually he realized I wasn't going to be his backup so his calls dwindled to eventually nothing. All the better for me! Men just don't like to be alone so they always want someone 'there' just in case. Good luck to you and whatever you decide to do. Lucy