What does he want?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
What does he want?
6
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 3:18pm
I met this guy on line we started chatting and realized that we went to school together. We started to hang out at my place together, about a month in to the relationship we became intimate. The sex is amazing! Here's the problem, we have been hanging out having sex for about 7 months now. He was working long hours so usually a week or two would go by and then we would hook up again. Always at my place, I have never been to his place. We have only gone on one date outside of the house. All the rest of the times he shows up late at my place and ends up staying the night. Well now he is now longer working and I have yet to hear from him. We did our usual 'booty call' and now it's been a week with no contact. When he is with me he is very affectionate and sometimes he stays the night and we don't have sex ..just cuddle and go to sleep.

I have no clue what to make of this, I simply don't understand some men. When we hooked up..he told me that he was attracted to me in Highschool but I was out of his league. We are now 34 and 35 respectively.

Should I approach him and find out what he wants? we normally chat via a chat program, but now that he isn't working, we haven't even chatted on line lately. Have I given him the wrong idea? I am told that I am pretty good looking, I'm independant, own my own house and have a really good job. Some would say that I am a pretty good catch! What is the deal with this guy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 4:49pm
I know exactly what you are going through. I am kind of in a similar situation. I have been seeing this guy for about 7 months. And he behaved the same way as your guy, Coming over late, staying the night. Yeah he even stayed over without any sex jumping off two or three times. We would hook up and have sex and then not see each other for a week or so.

And I know he acts all lovey dovey when you are together.. Well here is my analogy of what is going on. This guy enjoys the sex, and if it is amazing to you... Trust and belileve it is even more amazing to him. Alas that may not be enough to make him want to be in a real committed relationship. If you do not mind having the occasional "jump off" with him I would say to stick it out and see where the relationship goes.

If you are like me and just can not continue sharing your body with a an that you are unsure of his feelings toward you I would say get out right away. It is very difficult trying to figure out what a guy wants especially when he is purposely being distant and aloof.

Good luck

Ms Sylence
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 5:47pm
So you don't actually have a boyfriend, you have a sex buddy. I wouldn't be surprised if the guy is married or has a live in girlfriend. That would be why he's not interested in seeing you outside of your home and why he's never invited you over.

Chances are if you allow it, things will never change. He does not want more from you than the physical. And since you have gone along with it and agreed to his terms, if you begin to demand more he will most likely split.

I think you need to sit down and be honest with him. And yourself. If the situation isn't working for you, then change it. Don't keep agreeing to his terms if you're not liking them. Giving him sex isn't going to make him suddenly want more. Going his way is just enabling him to keep disrespecting you.

You have a right to have a boyfriend that you go out with and do things with. That you go to dinner and movies and walks with. Someone who introduces you to their friends and family, someone who can't wait to see you and talk with you.

I wish you all the strength in this. Stand up for yourself.

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 7:19pm
I am in a similar situation as well. They act all lovey before seeing you and can't wait. Then the moment comes, they act like little cuddle bugs when they are with you and then poof! they go back into hiding. If you have been seeing this guy for a while, then I would ask him if he sees anything down the road for the two of you. If you have only been seeing him for a little while, then ride it out and see what happens. We women have a tendency to become emotionally attached when we are intimate with a man.

If you guys live in the same city, I would find it odd that he has never invited you to his place. You might want to run a background check as well. It is worth it.

I wish you luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 8:21pm
I don't want this to sound unnecessarily harsh, but at 34 years old, you really should recognize this for what it is; a 7-month booty call.

Dating involves actually leaving the house....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 8:29pm
Hon, what he wants is his booty call whenever he wants it. The rest of the time he's dating, clubing, hanging out or working but he returns to you late at night to get some. You've never been to his house and you never go out because you're his booty call...the sex is all he wants from you dear.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 11:13pm
IDONT THINK YOU CHALLENGE HIM ENOUGH....GUYS LIKE THE GIRL TO BE AGIRL YOU SEEM PRETTY IN CONTROL AND POWERFUL, HE'D ALMOST HAVE TO BE AN OVER ACHIEVER TO GET TO YOUR LEVEL. SO HE CONTROLS THE RELATIONSHIP BY THE SEX. I AM SURE HE REALLY DIGS YOU AND ALL...BUT YOU ARE PRPBABLY TOO SUCCESSFUL AND HAVE YOUR DHIT TOGETHER ALL TOO WELL. SO HE MIGHT BE BETTER OFF WITH SOME CHICK WHO WORKS AND DRS OFFICE OR A RECPTIONIST, YA KNOW THAT DOTN MAKE THAT MUCH CASH. MEN LOVE TO BE THE HIGHER ONES, FOLLOW ME?