What Does He Want?
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What Does He Want?
| Mon, 10-10-2005 - 5:11pm |
I've been with this guy for about a year and a half now. We had talked for a bit on the phone and through email before we met but we were both aware that he would be moving away in a couple months so he said he didn't want anything serious because he didn't want to have to commit and move away. We decided to still spend the rest of the time he had left together but it was more for sexual purposes rather than to build a relationship with each other. At the time it was fine with both of us since we had feelings for each other but not enough for either of us to be hurt. He moved after a bit, but at that time we continued to have a long distance relationship because we still wanted to be together and we were starting to develop something. We only got to see each other about once a month. We looked forward to it a lot and the time we spent together was nice, but it still didn't go from sex to a relationship. We had been away from each other for a whole month so we wanted sex badly and I didn't see a problem with it being just that. After a while my feelings for him became intense so I told him about them and he told me he felt the same way about me. He eventually moved again and this time was only about 30 minutes from me so we began to see each other about once or twice a week. He told me he hadn't asked about a relationship because he still thought we were too far apart and that he cared about me a lot but thought that what we had with each other and the feelings we were having was perfect the way it was. He says we have a relationship but it's not formal and that I am the only girl he is and wants to be with. I don't doubt that he cares about me, but I'm confused why he doesn't want an actual relationship? I don't know if he sees this as a casual and easy way to end things if it goes wrong or if he really does think that we won't see each other enough to be with each other. We talk a lot on the phone about everything in our lives but when we see each other it just seems to be about sex. He makes me happy and I care about him deeply but I'm not sure how he sees this situation we're in. I don't know if I should continue to tell him how I feel or just keep things the way they are? Sometimes I want to give him a choice to either start a relationship or tell him I can't do this, but I love being with him and even if I am confused I still want this a lot. Any advice would be great since I'm clueless to what my guy is actually thinking.

Hi Alana and welcome to the board,
I think you know what this guy is thinking, but you're choosing to ignore it. We've all done that at some point. He told you <<He told me he hadn't asked about a relationship because he still thought we were too far apart and that he cared about me a lot but thought that what we had with each other and the feelings we were having was perfect the way it was.>> Yeah, ok. So basically he's having a relationship without having one. Hence, if he finds someone else he can walk away without any ties.
In my opinion, I think he's looking at you as a friend with benefits--someone to whom there's no attachment, no commitment but he has fun with you and has sex.
If your instincts are telling you it's just about sex, please LISTEN to them. So many times we already have the answers and just ignore them, for whatever reason. The simple fact is this--if he wanted to be with you, he would. If he was a honest sort of guy, he would not string you along.
Again, just my opinions... it's quite possible someone here may see something I don't.
Hope this helps. Please, keep us updated.