What does this mean?

Avatar for hurtinalot
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
What does this mean?
4
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 3:25am
I met this terrific guy...blah blah blah...we hit it off very well, I met him 6 months ago..took him 5 to ask me out. The moment we were going to do the "deed" he said "I don't really want a realtionship, like a fool I said " I dont't want a realtionship either"....I lied. We have spent quite a bit of time with each other and I believe he isn't seeing anyone else. I know he enjoys my company as much as I enjoy his. I kinda screwed things up by writing him this email about how I really wanted a relationship...I did it in a light..joking matter..but for a few days he didn't return my calls or email me. Finally I got an email It said this: "So anyhow yes I got your email and yes it said you want a relationship but right now things are just tough for me, Im very sorry for that , but Im still not sure on my emotions, meaning not ready to for a commitment, its still hard for me. I like you a lot but just scared (of what I dont quite know yet). Sounds screwed up don't you think? Just dont want to hurt you by all means."

So my question is...do you think this guy is just truly scared about a relaitonship or..point blank...he just doesn't want a relationship with me?

Should I give up any hope that he may want to give this try? Is he trying already? Should I date other guys and keep my options open? Should I just enjoy myself and risk getting hurt?

Thanks for reading...

Hurtin'
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 10:10am
I say free yourself and move on. I've experienced the same situation. I think this guy likes you, but not enough to have a relationship; therefore, you should move on. Don't continue spending time with him hoping something will blossom. It may or it may not, but your feelings will continue to grow and his may not and you will be left hurting. I know its easier said than done, but try to move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 11:50am

You called yourself and signed your post "hurtin" so I doubt that you should "just enjoy yourself and risk getting hurt"...you already are! Are you really enjoying all this second guessing and worrying? I would have a real problem with someone who waits UNTIL you are ready to do the "deed" with me to say they dont' want a r/ship...don't you think that is a little manipulative? Shouldn't he be telling you that in the "getting to know you/dating you" process? If he is upfront and honest...? If he had told you on date 1 or 2 - would you have said you didn't want one as well?


Personally, I am looking for a serious committed r/ship with someone. With someone who is emotionally mature enough to handle that. So if I were you, I would move on and find that someone. But I don't know what you want so I can't tell you what to do. I do know that if you continue to spend time with this guy, you are investment your time and energy in someone who may turn out to be a bad investment for the long run. Are you willing to potentially waste your time?


Go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 12:06pm
Dear OP,

This man has expressed alot of uncertainty about wanting and/or being willing to be in a relationship at this time. Take it at face value. Someone once said when a guy says he's not interested it means HE'S NOT INTERESTED. Period. End of discussion. Give yourself the kindest gift you can today and that is do not pursue in any way, shape or form. Only then will you see if he ever comes around. In the meantime chart a new course for yourself by being open to other sources of fun and enjoyment. The pins and needles state of wondering, waiting, and hoping is not satisfying. Why keep going back to an empty well?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 2:16pm
You want a relationship. You want this guy. He doesn't want a relationship (his reasons should have no bearing on your reaction, the bottom line is he doens't share your feelings). If you stick around, you won't be happy because he doesn't want a relationship with you. If you leave him, you still won't be happy because you'll have to give up on someone you cared for, and sometimes that hurts worse than the fact that your feelings were not returned. So, either way, you're going to hurt. The difference is that when you hang around, you do so at the risk never being happy (and it's a pretty strong risk, mind you). If you move on, you will be happy after awhile.

As much as we all like to believe in relationships (and I do), at the end of the day, you are responsible for yourself and your needs. This guy is not meeting your needs (or else you wouldn't be writing to us about the misery you are feeling). Now that you know that he has no desire to meet your relationship needs, you have to be strong enough to seek that elsewhere. That is the only way to choose your happiness and sanity.

You only have one good choice. I hope you are strong enough to make it.

Take care,

Ivy

georgiasugarbaby@yahoo.com