What does this mean?
Find a Conversation
What does this mean?
| Thu, 04-22-2004 - 3:25am |
I met this terrific guy...blah blah blah...we hit it off very well, I met him 6 months ago..took him 5 to ask me out. The moment we were going to do the "deed" he said "I don't really want a realtionship, like a fool I said " I dont't want a realtionship either"....I lied. We have spent quite a bit of time with each other and I believe he isn't seeing anyone else. I know he enjoys my company as much as I enjoy his. I kinda screwed things up by writing him this email about how I really wanted a relationship...I did it in a light..joking matter..but for a few days he didn't return my calls or email me. Finally I got an email It said this: "So anyhow yes I got your email and yes it said you want a relationship but right now things are just tough for me, Im very sorry for that , but Im still not sure on my emotions, meaning not ready to for a commitment, its still hard for me. I like you a lot but just scared (of what I dont quite know yet). Sounds screwed up don't you think? Just dont want to hurt you by all means."
So my question is...do you think this guy is just truly scared about a relaitonship or..point blank...he just doesn't want a relationship with me?
Should I give up any hope that he may want to give this try? Is he trying already? Should I date other guys and keep my options open? Should I just enjoy myself and risk getting hurt?
Thanks for reading...
Hurtin'
So my question is...do you think this guy is just truly scared about a relaitonship or..point blank...he just doesn't want a relationship with me?
Should I give up any hope that he may want to give this try? Is he trying already? Should I date other guys and keep my options open? Should I just enjoy myself and risk getting hurt?
Thanks for reading...
Hurtin'

You called yourself and signed your post "hurtin" so I doubt that you should "just enjoy yourself and risk getting hurt"...you already are! Are you really enjoying all this second guessing and worrying? I would have a real problem with someone who waits UNTIL you are ready to do the "deed" with me to say they dont' want a r/ship...don't you think that is a little manipulative? Shouldn't he be telling you that in the "getting to know you/dating you" process? If he is upfront and honest...? If he had told you on date 1 or 2 - would you have said you didn't want one as well?
Personally, I am looking for a serious committed r/ship with someone. With someone who is emotionally mature enough to handle that. So if I were you, I would move on and find that someone. But I don't know what you want so I can't tell you what to do. I do know that if you continue to spend time with this guy, you are investment your time and energy in someone who may turn out to be a bad investment for the long run. Are you willing to potentially waste your time?
Go.
This man has expressed alot of uncertainty about wanting and/or being willing to be in a relationship at this time. Take it at face value. Someone once said when a guy says he's not interested it means HE'S NOT INTERESTED. Period. End of discussion. Give yourself the kindest gift you can today and that is do not pursue in any way, shape or form. Only then will you see if he ever comes around. In the meantime chart a new course for yourself by being open to other sources of fun and enjoyment. The pins and needles state of wondering, waiting, and hoping is not satisfying. Why keep going back to an empty well?
As much as we all like to believe in relationships (and I do), at the end of the day, you are responsible for yourself and your needs. This guy is not meeting your needs (or else you wouldn't be writing to us about the misery you are feeling). Now that you know that he has no desire to meet your relationship needs, you have to be strong enough to seek that elsewhere. That is the only way to choose your happiness and sanity.
You only have one good choice. I hope you are strong enough to make it.
Take care,
Ivy
georgiasugarbaby@yahoo.com