what does this mean?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2005
what does this mean?
3
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 2:47pm

I haven't seen Ben, since his birthday party , whic was back in eary November. He moved about 2 hours away. I had totravel to a confrence for work, wich was in his town. Ben invited me to stay over. I did. Anyway, I promised my self I would not kiss him, if he kissed me. He has told me he isn't sure of his feelings. Anyway, I was in his kitchen, maing dinner, when he turned me around and kissed me. We ended p having widly mad sex on his livig room foor.

Why would he kiss me, If he says he not sure if he loves me like that, then why did we do that last night. When He comes home from work, should I pretend nothing happended, or should I act on my feelings?

PLEASE HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 3:14pm

He kissed you because he likes you and wanted to have sex with you. It does not mean he wants to have a committed relationship with you.

If you are interested in having a relationship with this man and he is not interested in having a relationship with you, I suggest you go get yourself a hotel room.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 4:09pm

He tells you that he is not sure of his feelings yet you gave in. By you doing that, he knows now that he can have sex with you NO strings attached. You should have told him that you couldn't because you want a real committed relationship and not just be his booty call.

I see this all the time, women think that when a guy kisses you it automatically means he wants a relationship or serious about one....nope on the contrary a guy who wants something serious would be really nervous kissing or touching you for the first time.

If you see this guy as something serious, tell him how you feel and that you will no longer engage in any physical contact until he makes up his mind. If you keep going along with this, you will end up with a serious heartache. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 2:04pm

You were an equal participant in what transpired. You need to own that personal accountability and not try to place all accountability on to him. He didn't force you - you made the choice to be part of what happened. If you try to shift all accountability to him, it will come across as the "Do as I say, not as I do" game.

I also don't understand your "feelings" expectations at all. Are you looking for a declaration of love and commitment prior to a kiss? Get real here. Not every person is going to have perfect clarity of their feelings and directions for a relationship prior to physical intimacy. If you need a steadfast declaration, then your best bet may be to be celibate until marriage.