WHAT DOES SPACE MEAN

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
WHAT DOES SPACE MEAN
1
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 1:29pm

HELLO EVERYONE,

I have a question... I've been in a relationship w/my new bf for 6mths now. Things have been really good between us. Last week, was one of the roughest weeks in our relationship to boot. For starters, on Tuesday he left me outside his parents house for 30mins. I got extremely ticked, took the keys and left. We he found me I was still mad and went off on him about it. He said that his sister had gotten into trouble over the weekend and that's why it took him so long to come out of the house. So, I felt bad and apologized for my behavior. Wednesday, I kinda played a childish game on him - I had my cousin pretend to be another girl that he recently met and wanted to hook - up. After the initial phone call btwn them, he called me and told me that someone was playing on his phone. The joke went on for another 10 or 15 mins until he told me that he knew it was me, after I admitted he got extremely mad and said that I was setting him up for failure. Then he calls me at like 2 in morning and asked me to stay home from work so that we could hang out. We did for like 2 hours and then he brought me back home. Then Friday, I drunk dialed him, became emotional b/c he said that he wanted to hang out with his friends and broke up w/him. The next morning I called to apologize and we kinda talked about what had been going on. I told him tht I was sorry, and that I didn't mean to bring so much stress into our relationship and he responded that we needed some space.

He told me that he needed to focus on something else and that we would see each other on Sunday. We did, but he seemed so distant. He sat at the opposite end of the couch, he really didn't have much to say, and then he went to sleep w/out even trying to have sex w/me. he said that he had been out all weekend with his friends and that he was extremely tired. Not pressing the issue, I didn't ask him any questions about his behavior - I just simply took his word for it and left it at that.

We talked a little yesterday and he said that he would call me when he got off work - he never did and I didn't try to call him. He still has not called me today and he usually would have sent a text or something but nothing.

So, what should i do? I know I have to wait until he calls me but when he does call should I ask him if he still has unresolved issues from last week? Should I be happy that he called and ignore his current behavior? Or is his current behavior a result of my actions? Does space mean he wants to break-up?

Thanks for your comments.
E.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 4:26pm

I'll try to answer all your questions one at a time.

Should I be happy that he called and ignore his current behavior?
No. You shouldn't be happy he called and definately do no ignore his behaviour. He is acting very immature and he is not ready for a relationship.

I know I have to wait until he calls me but when he does call should I ask him if he still has unresolved issues from last week?
You could ask him if he has unresolved issues, but you know the answer. He does.

Or is his current behavior a result of my actions?
No. You should never blame yourself for anyone else's actions. The only thing you did wrong was get emotional on him and break up with him. I understand you were hurt when he said he wanted to hang out with friends instead of you, but alcohol intensifies emotion. So never drunk dial a guy.

Oh and I forgot to add. The other thing you did wrong was to set him up by having your friend call him pretending she was someone else. That is not really nice. But don't let him tell you that you "set him up for failure". You gave him a test (albeit in an underhanded way), but he failed the test on his own accord.

Does space mean he wants to break-up?
Usually the "I need space" statement means one of two things. Either he wants to break up with you or he wants to be a FWB. Neither is a good for you. But you should gladly tell this guy "See ya!" for a few reasons:

1. He coerced you into taking an entire day off from work and ends up spending only two hours with you (what a waste of a vacation day).

2. He leaves you outside the house for 30 minutes (please don't tell me you live in Minnesota). What does his sister getting into trouble have to do with you waiting outside that long? Sounds like a lame excuse.

3. He constantly chooses his friends over you.

4. He doesn't call when he says he'll call.

Do you really want a bf like that? You deserve someone who will be good to you. This guy wants a relationship on his terms. He is not considerate of your time and schedule. He is not ready to have a real relationship. He sounds like he's an on again off again type of guy.

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