What gives?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2004
What gives?
3
Wed, 12-01-2004 - 3:13pm
I started dating a guy who by his actions, you would have thought he was absolutley crazy about me. He sent me flowers after our first date, candy on the second and when we were together he never wanted to leave. I have not had a guy behave like this in quite some time so needless to say I was thrilled. He lived about an hour away from me but we were still able to see each other at least once during the week and we would spend at least 1 day and night together on the weekend. We had a great time together. He would drive an hour to see me and would spend hours a day on the phone with me. If would have bet all my money that he would have stuck around for quite some time. He had told me that he had a girlfriend break his heart exactly a year ago when she broke up with him but he was over it. I assumed that a year was plenty of time to get over breakup so that little fact did not phase me at all. He is 25 and I am 27. We had only been dating a month. Out of the blue he tells me he does not think things are going to work out. He does not feel the way that he wants to about me. He also said that he did not get to see me as much as he would like to. So my question is how can a guy be so into someone and then out of the blue tell them they dont think it is going to work out? I am aware that it is only a month which is not a long enough period of time for anything significant. The only reason that I ask is that this has happened to me a few times lately. These guys are clearly into me (wanting to spend a lot of time with me, spending time on the phone with me, getting to know me, etc..)Now I feel like every time someone clearly likes me and is into me they are going to bolt. The only thing I can think that they may have in common is that they had ex-girlfriends break up with them about a year or so before we had met. I know personally if I am not that into someone I know right from the beginning and would never act and behave like these guys did. I have never before had someone act and behave like they were head over heels for me and then bolt. I have had plenty of guys bolt after a few dates and I have done the same. I was just enjoying the time we spent and there was no pressure for a relationship or anything along those lines becasue it was the beginning of the relationship. So I know that is not what drove them away. I just want to know what gives and why someone would act like that and then do what he did. This seems to be a pattern and next time I dont want to be fooled. Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: jeepgirl06514
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 12:31am

jeepgirl... you didn't do or not do anything... that's just how he is... wishy washy.

at least you found out now.

OR....

he could be one of those guys who wants you to go back to him begging for more of that fake good stuff. don't do it!

let this one go... it's just too weird that he can be so nicey-nice only to instantly, suddenly be so ... odd.

just let him go... there are others who will come along!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
In reply to: jeepgirl06514
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 2:49am
I can only think that people like that have an impulsive personality...Maybe you're unconsciously attracted to spontaneous, bad boy types, or guys who run hot and cold.
It's definitely better to get out before they jerk you all over the place. You know? Maybe be more aware of the kind of guys you naturally end up dating - and try to gauge how healthy they are before you go for them. Don't get another impulse guy :)
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jeepgirl06514
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 9:20am

I would recommend that you read the responses to the post called "Red Flag when a Man comes on too strong?" both on this board and on Ask Mr. Answer Man.

Anytime a guy comes on strong in the beginning, that's a signal for you to be skeptical, and take everything he says or does with a huge grain of salt. It generally means that these guys have a fantasy view of r'ships and then they bolt when the r'ship starts to feel "real".

Sheri