What is going on?
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| Thu, 08-12-2004 - 2:55pm |
We chatted on the phone on Sunday evening and Monday - he even said he'd told someone at work about me (was discussing the fact that I had kids, his friend told him not to let it put him off if he liked me). He seemed very keen to see me again so we made decided to meet on Tuesday. He said he would call Tuesday evening to make arrangements. No phone call. I tried phoning him later that night but it went straight to his answering service without even ringing - as though the phone was switched off. 5 minutes later my phone rang but was hung up or cut off when I answered. I rang the number back and it was a pub not far away from where he lives. I then got a phone call on Wednesday from a withheld number which only rang once and was then hung up. Could be coincidence but I dont tend to get phone calls of that type to my mobile.
Im slightly confused as to what is going on. As I said he seemed very keen to see me again. And even if he'd changed his mind why the phone calls? Although I suppose they may not have been from him.
If anyone could shed some light on this I would be very grateful.

Go meet him in person, just to put ur doubts/worries to rest. Coz all that conjecturing is realy not helpful, without first hearing it straight from the source.
U can tell him you were in the neighbourhood, if you don't want to make it obvious that you want to see him for a specific reason.
See what he says....see what vibes you get from him. Keep the conversation light and casual. Be ready for anything.
I understand your worry, but certainly don't pin your hopes on this person.
Goodluck!
Try giving him a call and leaving a message. If you get a phone call back, great, if not, move on.
And I would caution you against *throwing caution to the wind* again. Unless you are only looking for sex, give yourself a little more time getting to know someone before sleeping with them.
Btw Alison I dont make a habit of going home with guys. In fact Saturday night was the first time I ve done anything with a guy since I split up with my last bf in February.
Still havent decided whether or not to try calling again. Im very wary of appearing the bunny boiler type, lol.
One of these days I'll work men out. Havent met one yet I can understand.
And I don't think that you take home guys as a habit. :) I know that sometimes us women have needs and just say, "I have to do this.."
Just make sure that you go a little slower next time.
I wish they came with a map, instruction booklet and a legend code that stated whether they were looking for sex, date or relationship.
Women tend to think "Oh, I'm a bad person for wanting to get laid, I have to convince him I don't do this with everybody, he's the exception becase he's all that."
That's them....thinking "I'm a bad person for having casual sex and so everytime I do it I need a justification and pursuing "more' is justifying having had the sex."
Men do NOT think that circuitously stupid. they think in a logical straight line...I wanted to get laid, I got laid. It's called goal focus, factual assessment, self-acceptance vs. "emotionally driven".
So he's not thinking less of you for wanting to get laid and finding an option on it. And he won't be convinced that you don't do this all the time and he's the exception to your "hands off' rule.
Because he does this whenever the urge/option exists and he doesn't have any "hands off" rule or else he wouldnt be doing this whenever the urge/option existed!
Where you "lose" the reality check....is the fact that sex as an act has NO emotional attachment icon - that is the point. He'd having sex with you for his benefit and needs and pleasure. You're a "banana peel" in a sense.
And he figures the same about you-which he's fine with.
It's that you're NOT fine with him being "a vibrator with a body" for you that is the problem....because if you begin to get emotionally involved due to the act of sex, then you're pursuing more. Well, if the guy wanted more - he'd be pursuing it with the same ardor he pursued the sex.
So when the woman can't get dated or a relationship -just laid...she figures that "men don't like women that sleep with them on the first date or too soon."
Untrue, a man doing that is one of two things...not looking for anything but sex and willing to be a good and giving partner in the act itself with no strings attached...or b) his personal standards are that "sex" is just sex, and it'll never be more than just sex really and so if he finds you attractive and intelligent and witty - he might easily "do" you the first night if the option exists, call you back and pursuing dating and possibly a relationship. Taht's because "sex = dating/relationship" doesn't have a correlation with him. He'd have pursued dating you without the sex because he wants a partner and finds you appealing and wants to see if you two are compatible...it's just that having the sex was great fun.
Something to always consider.....what a man is doing int erms of modus operandi when "pursuing you" - is precisely what he's done with every other woman in his life...unless his values have changed at some point.
So if you don't take it personally - as in - he's not doing this because of, for, towards, about, in spite of, or despite me and my actions - you'd see it pretty clearly.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com