What is going on?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
What is going on?
7
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 2:55pm
I met a man on Saturday night. Im ashamed to say that I threw caution to the winds and went home with him. I left on Sunday morning after we had swopped numbers (he asked for mine and offered his).

We chatted on the phone on Sunday evening and Monday - he even said he'd told someone at work about me (was discussing the fact that I had kids, his friend told him not to let it put him off if he liked me). He seemed very keen to see me again so we made decided to meet on Tuesday. He said he would call Tuesday evening to make arrangements. No phone call. I tried phoning him later that night but it went straight to his answering service without even ringing - as though the phone was switched off. 5 minutes later my phone rang but was hung up or cut off when I answered. I rang the number back and it was a pub not far away from where he lives. I then got a phone call on Wednesday from a withheld number which only rang once and was then hung up. Could be coincidence but I dont tend to get phone calls of that type to my mobile.

Im slightly confused as to what is going on. As I said he seemed very keen to see me again. And even if he'd changed his mind why the phone calls? Although I suppose they may not have been from him.

If anyone could shed some light on this I would be very grateful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
In reply to:
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 3:24pm


Go meet him in person, just to put ur doubts/worries to rest. Coz all that conjecturing is realy not helpful, without first hearing it straight from the source.

U can tell him you were in the neighbourhood, if you don't want to make it obvious that you want to see him for a specific reason.

See what he says....see what vibes you get from him. Keep the conversation light and casual. Be ready for anything.

I understand your worry, but certainly don't pin your hopes on this person.

Goodluck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to:
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 3:29pm
To be honest I wouldn't expect anything from a guy who you had a one night stand with. He got what he wanted and nothing more. Sure he was excited to talk to you about seeing you again, but then he probably got to thinking about it and changed his mind. Men like to just do that, women too.

Try giving him a call and leaving a message. If you get a phone call back, great, if not, move on.

And I would caution you against *throwing caution to the wind* again. Unless you are only looking for sex, give yourself a little more time getting to know someone before sleeping with them.

Photobucket

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to:
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 3:50pm
To be honest I didnt really expect to hear from him again anyway. Ive had plenty of experience of the type of things a lot of guys will say to get a woman into bed. It was the fact that he called me which threw me - just dont understand why he would do that.

Btw Alison I dont make a habit of going home with guys. In fact Saturday night was the first time I ve done anything with a guy since I split up with my last bf in February.

Still havent decided whether or not to try calling again. Im very wary of appearing the bunny boiler type, lol.

One of these days I'll work men out. Havent met one yet I can understand.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to:
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 5:00pm
Being a glutton for punishment i just called him. It went straight to vm again without ringing. Im beginning to think there is something wrong with his phone. It would explain some things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to:
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 8:05pm
If it went straight to VM then it may be off.

And I don't think that you take home guys as a habit. :) I know that sometimes us women have needs and just say, "I have to do this.."

Just make sure that you go a little slower next time.

I wish they came with a map, instruction booklet and a legend code that stated whether they were looking for sex, date or relationship.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
In reply to:
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 9:20pm
Hon there is nothing to be ashamed of. He had his fun and you had yours. The issue here is that you expect more than it really was: a one night stand. Perhaps he was keen to see you again, but had better plans OR maybe he said that but never meant it, who knows? The calls...just disregard them and don't answer any numbers withheld. Don't call him back, he may have met another woman already. Cross it as experience and move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to:
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 9:09am
Reason logically for a second...if a guy goes home with you without knowing you as a person and has sex...is he going to "look down on you for doing what he did?" Not likely.

Women tend to think "Oh, I'm a bad person for wanting to get laid, I have to convince him I don't do this with everybody, he's the exception becase he's all that."

That's them....thinking "I'm a bad person for having casual sex and so everytime I do it I need a justification and pursuing "more' is justifying having had the sex."

Men do NOT think that circuitously stupid. they think in a logical straight line...I wanted to get laid, I got laid. It's called goal focus, factual assessment, self-acceptance vs. "emotionally driven".

So he's not thinking less of you for wanting to get laid and finding an option on it. And he won't be convinced that you don't do this all the time and he's the exception to your "hands off' rule.

Because he does this whenever the urge/option exists and he doesn't have any "hands off" rule or else he wouldnt be doing this whenever the urge/option existed!

Where you "lose" the reality check....is the fact that sex as an act has NO emotional attachment icon - that is the point. He'd having sex with you for his benefit and needs and pleasure. You're a "banana peel" in a sense.

And he figures the same about you-which he's fine with.

It's that you're NOT fine with him being "a vibrator with a body" for you that is the problem....because if you begin to get emotionally involved due to the act of sex, then you're pursuing more. Well, if the guy wanted more - he'd be pursuing it with the same ardor he pursued the sex.

So when the woman can't get dated or a relationship -just laid...she figures that "men don't like women that sleep with them on the first date or too soon."

Untrue, a man doing that is one of two things...not looking for anything but sex and willing to be a good and giving partner in the act itself with no strings attached...or b) his personal standards are that "sex" is just sex, and it'll never be more than just sex really and so if he finds you attractive and intelligent and witty - he might easily "do" you the first night if the option exists, call you back and pursuing dating and possibly a relationship. Taht's because "sex = dating/relationship" doesn't have a correlation with him. He'd have pursued dating you without the sex because he wants a partner and finds you appealing and wants to see if you two are compatible...it's just that having the sex was great fun.

Something to always consider.....what a man is doing int erms of modus operandi when "pursuing you" - is precisely what he's done with every other woman in his life...unless his values have changed at some point.

So if you don't take it personally - as in - he's not doing this because of, for, towards, about, in spite of, or despite me and my actions - you'd see it pretty clearly.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com