what is going on? Please Advise!!!!!
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what is going on? Please Advise!!!!!
| Sat, 03-31-2007 - 1:17pm |
Need some advice please. I have been in a relationship for 4 months. The guy lives about 45 to 60 minutes away. We met online and the first couple of times we met he drove to my town, but once I drove to his house...now I always go there. He says he can't come to my town because he works two jobs and doesn't have time, and for the most part I understand that, and don't mind usually going to see him. But recently we didn't see each other for 3 weeks because I wasn't able to make it there for various reasons and he wouldn't come here. Normally I would accept his excuses of working, but for instance, he said he had a training class coming up but if I could come up on that Wed he would tell them he couldn't make it and would reschedule. Well, I wasn't able to make it and I called him and said why don't you come here instead, he said, "oh, well, I don't know for sure about my training yet and I have a couple of other phone calls to make." However, if i had gone there...everything would have been fine. I don't get it. And I have mentioned it but everytime I do he is able to dismiss it with work and being tired excuses. Please help!

For the most part, this sounds like straight up selfishness by him. Nonetheless I'd like to take just a minute to play Devil's advocate.
Are your living situations different? Are you living at home with your parents while he's got his own place? If so, he might just feel like the two of you get more out of your time together at his place.
I'm currently seeing a girl who lives in a small appartment with a roommate while I've got my place all to myself. While I'm not quite as stubborn as your guy, I do tend to prefer we hang out at my place because I don't see why we should risk interuption if we don't have to.
If none of the above applies and there aren't any other mitigating circumstances, I'd stop seeing the guy.
I can see your point. Regardless of the fact that your parents are with you, he could always stop by for a bite to eat or go see a movie, etc. But the situation could still be uncomfortable with him.
I would just ask him and set your mind at ease. If he keeps giving the same old excuses, then maybe it is time to find someone else. Hopefully you guys will come to an agreement.
Good luck!
Three weeks is definitely pushing it.
I guess to see if it is a comfort/privacy thing you could simply ask him. Nothing too intense or accusatory. Just something like "Is it a little weird for you when we hang out at my place and my parents are around?" The exact wording is totally your call. Whatever you think would work best. If he says it is a factor, offer him some stuff you two could do together that would take you away from your place. Movies, dinner, etc.
If he says it’s not that and defaults back to the work/time excuse, I'd say you're justified to take off the gloves and getting slightly less diplomatic. Point out how it seems odd that he has plenty of time to hang out with you when you visit him, yet this time miraculously evaporates into the heavens when you suggest he venture to you.
Good Luck.