what is this guy's game
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what is this guy's game
| Wed, 03-10-2004 - 4:52pm |
Hello to all I am in need of some serious advice, opinions or whatever that could make me understand what's really goin on with this guy. I have been dating this guy for about 6 months sometimes the relationship is great but sometiomes it's just not great at all. the main probelm is with him. For whatever strange reason he takes days before he returns my calls. I am confused by the fact that when we spent time together it's always a joy. we have fun together he admitted in having with me. but when he leaves I could never get a hold of him so easily I call and he doesn't pick up days later. and when he does it's always a brief moment. because of this the relationship has been strained . i have asked why he doesn't return my calls and he blames it on working. I have ask him if he had another woman and he said no. I am really confuse. I thought of breaking up with him completly but it never went through. my question is if he doesn't want to continue our relationship why doesn't he just say it or if he does why is he doing this? he says he has a wonderful time with me he is always interested in my days or what i'm up to. last week i was sick and didn't go to work and he came to my house and brought me soup. and again he said everytime he spent with me is wonderful so if it was so wonderful why can't he pick up his phone. I have been trying to get a hold of him from that last visit which is 5 days now. I just need any advice on this guy behaviour

Basically it comes down to you--it's been months, he's shown you what you're going to get. He's not going to change. I'm sure he enjoys his time with you and he has a great time. The real question is this: Do you want to be with a man who is unreliable. I know some guys who have no time for something as simple as breathing but when they are with a girl they want to be with, they make the time. Remember people make time for what is important to them. Sounds to me that you're not that high up in his priority list.
My advice? Drop the loser now before your heart gets more involved than it is.
Hope this helps. Keep us posted.
I think you should immediately start making plans to do things with other people. And the next time he calls, you will politely tell him that you are already busy. And then tell him to check with you later in the week, etc. If he is sincerely interested in you, he will get the message that he needs to be a lot more thoughtful and on-the-ball about getting in touch with you. If he doesn't change his ways, he isn't that concerned about being with you (sorry), no matter how "busy" he claims he is.
The other question is whether you feel at this point you are seeing enough of him. If you are seeing each other enough, but just not spending enough quality time on the phone, then decide for yourself if talking on the phone at length is really that important.
Certainly I agree with others that if you call him, he should be returning your calls. But you have already sort of set a precedent that you will call a lot and he will just get back to you when he feels like it. It makes you seem desperate, and him aloof. Maybe he is just being aloof in reaction to your appearing desperate. If you don't act desperate, maybe his actions will change too. Plus you are just torturing yourself by trying so hard to get a hold of him, knowing you won't have any success. Mix it up a little and change things on him by not calling, and realize it may be a sign this guy isn't for you.
But for the record, you can't make someone talk to you on the phone if they don't feel like it. Calling repeatedly isn't going to achieve the result you want. If you must call him, call once and do not call again until he calls you back. But my advice given the situation is so unsatisfactory, is do not dial is number at all any more.
FORGET about how it was in the beginning! That almost doesn't count because people usually have the most fun in the first couple of months of dating someone... when it is new and exciting. The relationship either grows stronger from there or it dies off. It takes TWO to make it grow.