what happened?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
what happened?
5
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 11:18am
i met this guy on valentines day and him and i hit it off great, we became exclusive right away him and i were both blown away because we were a match made in heaven we were so unsepartalbe and so compatiable and very happy and very much in love, he was happy cause this was his first adult relationship , i guess his relationships in the past was nothing but drama (he's 26 and i am 25) but we had respect for each other and we were to peas in a pod floating on cloud 9 we did everything together and he always wanted to be w/ me, ( and his friends started getting really mad cause he was w/ me more than them ) he never thought about marriage he was the ant marriage type and then one day he told me while he was at work he had a thought that he never thought of and it scared him and i was like what he said " he wanted to marry me and he pictured him and my daughter doing yard work together and us living in a nice house and being a happy family" and then he started telling his friends that he can see hisself marrying me but he couldn't marry me until he was finacially o.k. that if i was to lose my job then he would be able to support me and my daughter. our relationship was like a story in a love book, but there is always a but, after having an incrediable 4th of july weekend together, he calls me on july 7th to tell me that we need to take some space, and that he doesn't know what he wants right now he said he was in a horrible relationship for 3yrs and was only single and dating for only 3mnths until he met me and fell in love w/me he said he never connected w/someone so hard before so fast, and that he just moved out of his mothers house when we started dating (him and his friend got a house together), and this is the first time ever out on his own.that he's been sick alot (he has really bad asthma) and that he feels guilty cause he's always sick, and he's always broke since he moved out on his own, and that he still loves me but this is something that he has to do now and that we should go our own separte ways. well of course i was hurt shocked and confused but i loved him enough to let him go and i respect him enough to let him go even though it hurt like hell and he told me that if we were meant to be together than our hearts will find each other again, he said if anything this will bring him closer to me by being understanding, and he said he will stop by and drop my things off while i am at work cause it will hurt to much to do it face to face and i agreed, but it took him 2 1/2 mnths to do it and i needed some of my things so i texted him and told him to drop it off so he did but he did it while i was home and i don't know if he knocked or not cause i was cleaning and jammin my radio, then the beginning of this month i dropped a box of his stuff off at his house while he was at work. i'm not sitting around waiting for him cause i don't know what will ever become of us again but he does come to mind from time to time and i always wonder does he ever think of me? does he ever miss me , does he ever want to call me, how can you love someone so much and then vanish, but i guess i will never know, since it's been almost 4mnths and no contact i gave up hope, but i think we moved to fast he got scared and timing was wrong. sorry so long but had to get off my chest any advise or commets would be great. thanks

-michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 11:39am
michelle2123...

Pianoguy ISN'T an English teacher...but it doesn't take one to tell you to START USING PERIODS AT THE END OF YOUR SENTENCES whenever you post a problem. Your sentences are much too long. Do you TALK the way you write?

Anyway...

Maybe the problem you had was becoming 'exclusive' too quickly? You indicated that the 2 of you became exclusive right away! And frankly...too much too soon usually means TOO MANY FALSE PROMISES! These often end a relationship very quickly. So if the man you were seeing only wanted to get you into bed a few times...he probably "promised you the moon?"

Also...his friends might have started teasing him about you, your daughter, and/or being away from the group...so he decided to make his exit!

However...I think the major reason for your breakup is that you were expecting a lot more than this man was willing to give you! Granted...he probably told you things you wanted to hear? But most men who have had a "bad past 3-year relationship" WON'T jump into a new one and be serious about it!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 11:47am
I think you moved too fast and you two had your head in the clouds a little too much, just reading your explanation of the relationship.

Then he came down to the real world when he started to live on his own and realized...everything isn't clouds and puppy dogs.

Maybe he'll come back but you gotta move on and if it's meant to be you two will find each other again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 11:50am
i am at work and that is why my typing isn't good right now, we didn't sleep together for 2 1/2 mnths , it was his decision to wait not mine,and he did have a bad 3 yr relationship cause him and i had to get a restraing order againt the ex girlfriend after we found out she was stalking him and i and she got so bad that she followed us out one night and she got physical w/ me and him and i went together and got a restraining order from her. we used to go and visit his mother together at least once a week and his ex would call her house non-stop and prank his own mother, and his mother always told me stories about what this female has done.

Edited 10/20/2004 12:03 pm ET ET by michelle2123

Edited 10/20/2004 12:03 pm ET ET by michelle2123


Edited 10/20/2004 12:09 pm ET ET by michelle2123

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 6:40pm
Hon, your relationship WAS a fantasy and like fantasies when you wake up you drop to the floor. He apparently got faced with the reality and the implications of "marrying you". It is also possible that you were the rebound....his bad relationship of 3 years, three months after the break up he was dating you. He found in you what he lacked in his relationship. However, he's not at the point of commiting to anyone yet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 10:53am

yes i agree also, thankyou for your reply. i think that he was not used to having a good relationshipship or at least it was a long time since he had a good relationship and he got caught up in all the emotions, then he relized that he wasn't ready for it. i respect the fact that he did break up w/ me , cause some men will keep hanging on to you and it sometimes causes an emotinal roller coaster to the females, but i did learn alot out of that relationship and i think will help in the future relationships. i have moved on but he will be someone that i will keep in my memory for a while. I myself couldn't believe that i let my gaurd down w/ him myself, cause i normally don't let people get into my heart, i had a bad relationship when i was a teenager w/ my daughters father ( my daughter is going to be 7 on 12-4-04) and i am a strong woman and i walked out of that relationship and never turned back and i have been on my own since. And i became a very independant woman, and i don't hate all men i am just careful about who i let in my life and i let him break my wall down so fast, and he was the first to do that since my relationship ended w/ my daughters father in 2000. but once again thanks.

-michelle