What Happens Now?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
What Happens Now?
1
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 8:50pm
Alright i am not to shure if any of you would have read my last posts or not so i will give you all some backround info!

So me and this guy have been hanging out for about 2 months.. nothing serious.. we would just watch movies and talk.. we kissed a few times but that is all. but this guy works out of town so we would only see one antoher every other week. So this weekend he was home.. so thursday night we talked on msn for a while but i worked in the AM so nothing good happend. Then friday night i called him at 1130 when i got home from visiting a friend, he was out with his buddies and said he would call me back. He ended up calling back like 5 minutes later, and he came over to my house. So we started talking and were watching TV together and eventually started to kiss... one thing lead to another and the next thing you know he was trying to take my pants off...But to this i said no.. and we began talking about were we stand. OKay first you have to understand that I dont want a Boyfriend right now, i am moving in 5 months, he works out of town.. and i just dont even have time really.

So when talking about us he said that he likes me and enjoys talking to me on the phone when he is away at work, and likes seeing me when he comes home... but he doesnt want a girlfriend at all. Sooo basically we are in the same position... but his reasons for not wanting a girlfriend is that he works out of town... and he said that if he 'gets' with another girl he dosnt want to be in a situation were someone is going to get mad at him.

OKay so with his last statement i got thinkg... If he were away at work and i met a boy i was 'interested' in i would diffinitly hang out with him.. but the thought of him doing it with another girl makes me feel like he is using me.

Also i think that he got the wrong impression from me.. I think he thinks that i want a boyfirend at this time.. even though i said i didnt!!! Becuase after he left friday i talked to him for a few minutes on saturday afternoon but he couldnt talk long because he was on his way out... then that night i was at the club and seen a mutal friend of ours there so i began talking to him with O came up beside me and put his arm around me and started talking to me.. mostly jsut saying whats up, where were u before u came here blah blah blah and then i seen someone else i knew and just walked away from him. Then i never seen him the rest of the night. That night when he got home my msn was online so he was messaging me and i obivously never replyed!! SO then he texted my phone "your gay" and i didnt answer that iether so he text again "fine be that way." So when i read this in the morning i was totally confused. I didnt talk to him alll day sunday and then monday i was home for lunch and he was on msn so i asked him why he called me gay and he said that i was ignoring him so thats why he said that. WEIRD!! and then he was like i am leaving for work now talk to you later.

So at that he is gone now for a week and a half. I ahve nooooooo idea what to think. I like this guy.. well mostly i like talking to him and kissing him, but i dont knwo how he feels about me now,.. this weekend seemed to mess things up. What do you all think?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to:
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 7:31am
I think he is right - that you may say you don't want a bf but your actions speak differently or you wouldn't care about when he messages you, when you see him, if you see him - you are not being honest with him or more importantly yourself. You are also being way too available. See him under the following conditions only: he calls you by wednesday for a weekend date; he plans the date mostly; the date takes place in public whether expensive or free and maybe he comes over after for an hour and you kiss - no sex. Stop the text messaging other than to confirm a plan you already have that he initiated in advance. Make him treat you like a lady, recognize that you are really into him, that he is not that into you right now and is also more into his friends, so that by seeing if he asks you out and treats you like a lady you will have all the information you need within the next week. Of course don't tell him any of this - respond briefly if he text messages and if he asks you out last minute or just wants to come over and hang out say very nicely "thanks so much for the offer but I have other plans tonight" (and yes those plans can be to stay home) - don't tell him what the plans are - none of his business - and if he is into you he will realize on his own that he has to put in more effort.

My guess is he will not make the effort - he sounds like he is mostly into fooling around and hanging out and clubbing with his friends and has already told you he does not want to be exclusive with you - but if you insist on continuing to be in contact my strong suggestion is to follow my advice and be honest about your feelings for him - to yourself, that is.