What have I gotten myself into - LONG

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
What have I gotten myself into - LONG
3
Sat, 06-12-2004 - 3:15am
This is probably going to be pretty long, so bear with me...

Okay, I am 18 years old, I will be 19 in August....I just broke up with a boyfriend (Paul) of about a year because he was cheating on me. He was my first love, first kiss, first everything. I had just moved to another state for him (we broke up about a month after I moved) and ina nutshell, I found out about his cheating like so: he didn't call me, or return my calls (on his cell, or at his apartment) for an entire week...I called his apartment, and his roommate told me that he was down at the pool with Kate (his ex-girlfriend who lives 1,000 miles away) aparently, he had paid for her to fly out and stay with him for a week. Breaking of all contact with me, thinking I wouldn't find out. He was positively dumb-founded when I broke up with him.

I was then essentially all alone in the city, since I had just moved there, and didn't know anyone, save for one neighbor.

The night I had made that phone call, I happened to be talking to that neighbor...who had previously expressed interest in me. I was so upset, and I no longer wanted Paul to be my only, so invited him over...we ended up sleeping together. I haven't talked to him since, and am basically trying to forget it ever happened.

I had also been talking to a guy (Eric) online for a while. He happened lived in the same city. About a week after the break-up I decided that I no longer wanted to be thinking about Paul, and that I need to find someone who I could have a purely physical relationship with, and not worry about falling for him...I chose Eric. He is 31, not my type physically at all, and rather unattractive. We met, and slept together that night. We developed a routine, basically, where I would go to his house every sunday (he is w/o car) and we'ed spend the day together watching movies or something, and then I'd stay the night, leaving the next morning...

About a month later, I decided that I wanted to try to start building a regular relationship again. So I signed up on a dating website. I soon met someone (Luke) he is more my type physically, and closer to my age (21) we start talking online, then we move to the phone conversations...meanwhile, Eric and I started doing more together, and I started staying at his place for whole weekends...every weekend.

Luke and I started meeting in person, and we instantly got along, and he just automatically made me want to tell him every secret I ever had...we talked openly about almost eveything (not my relationship with Eric). I told him about Eric, but said we were just friends. I have only been seeing Luke now for a couple weeks, but I feel a weird connection, not a physical one, or a spiritual one...but I feel attatched to him somehow, and I don't know how or why. It feels like how I felt when I first started liking Paul. When I'm with Eric, I can feel a strong emotional connection, and the sex is amazing...I think I am really falling for him. I'm trying to resist, cause we are so different, and I can't ignore what I'm feeling, now for Luke. I have not made any promises to either of them, but they are both starting to talk about becoming exclusive, and both seem to really care for me.

I am a huge believer in fate...I believe I felt so strongly for Paul because I needed to be here, and I never, ever would have moved here for any other reason. I'm starting to think that since I am developing the same types of feelings for Luke that he is going to become a major influence in my life, and help direct me onto the path I'm supposed to take. I have never had the feelings I have now for Eric, and really don't know what I should do or even waht to make of them, but right now all iI want is to just be with him...until I start thinking about Luke, then my head explodes.

Am I going crazy...what should I do? I know I've gotten myself into a pretty big pickle here, and that only I can say what needs to be done to get out of it, but I also think that I have been thinking about this way too much, and I am stuck. Thank you so much for reading all of this, you're a true angel just for doing that...but any advice/opinion or even scolding would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

~Cookie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Sat, 06-12-2004 - 11:46am
Can you go home to your parents and start over?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Sat, 06-12-2004 - 4:48pm
I'm not pro, but it seems to me like you're revenge dating. You're dating these other guys to prove to your ex and yourself that you can and have moved on...I think you need to drop these guys and just be by yourself for a while. Prove to yourself that you don't need a guy in your life. I a big believer of fate too, but sometimes you have to get past a situtation and look back on it to realize how it effected the outcome on your life. Don't look for answers right now. I would say you should follow your head (not your heart) and if that means you have to move back home and start over again do it! Good Luck! ~Cat
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Sat, 06-12-2004 - 9:59pm
Well Cookie, the best thing for you to do is to stop dating, yep. Stop bouncing from one guy's bed to the other. The routine you have is to hang out and have sex. No strings attached and that's why you "feel" you need to be in a real relationship. You want something that sex alone can't give you. Moving to another state for a guy was not smart. He had you and the ex lined up. Why don't your take time to deal with your inner issues first. Why are you bouncing from guy to guy? Are you happy with yourself? Focus on what you want to do for living, for a while and when you're ready then start dating. You're giving guys so much power over you. You should rule your life and anther person.