What have you seen?
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| Fri, 06-29-2007 - 8:59pm |
I wanted to know what everyone thought about this: have any of you noticed that some men carry baggage from their way past - to today?
For instance, growing up I'm sure we've all had our share of awkward moments or stages and then we outgrow them. Decades later those moments or stages do not define who we are today. Nor do we think so little of ourselves that we brand ourselves a "loser" because of who we were, or what we looked like or who we hung out with back then. For some reason I have noticed over the years that men take these awkward stages much harder than women do.
The same goes for romantic rejection - men play out that old rejection on women today while I don't see women doing that.
I'm wondering if men take it harder because they didn't talk about it when they were young? Growing up many of us had braces and/or glasses or didnt have money for the "in" clothes or didn't have a date or didn't felt like they were special - we all went through *something*. Sure, some kids were gorgeous and very popular - and from what we saw years after high school and college was that those gorgeous kids became most unattractive for a variety of reasons. No biggie. Does it mean that those people today are losers? No.
So you were the quiet, serious kid in school? Does that mean you were a loser? No. Why would one feel that way? It makes no sense. You are only a loser if you feel you are a loser. The main thing is that you were a good person. My friends and I were not part of the "in group" (if there really was one) - we were just middle of the road kids and we were definitely not losers just because we didn't get to date the capt. of the football team. We all had a few dates in h.s. but our lovelives didn't take off until college. Does that mean that we were losers? No.
I admit I use the word geek as a synonym for doctors. I never felt this way about doctors until I moved to Fla and watched them mercilessly hurt people here. Not all of them, but the more dangerous ones were geeks growing up and still are geeks. Geeks dont just get mad, they injure you. Everyone thinks that geeks are harmless and "geek" gets a lot of play with "Beauty & the Geek" and "Geek Squad" and most people dont seem to mind. Either they have embraced their inner geek or they have moved on in their minds. But the wrong one in your life can ruin you because you don't just pay for some imagined rejection, but you pay for every woman who rejected them (they secretly hate women) and every jock who mocked them.
I watched something yesterday online and I couldn't believe my ears. A guy was talking about his h.s. years and referred to himself, back then, as a nerd and a loser. And he sounded very angry about it. It seems like his fun years didn't start until 19. I was shocked at how he referred to himself...especially the "loser" part. He is so not a loser and is someone who I have the hots for (I can dream cant I?). I wouldn't have considered him a loser or a nerd back then (just because he was serious and didnt watch cartoons)- but if he was heavily into studying and getting straight A's we probably wouldn't have hung out much - just because he was studying ... or maybe he would have looked down upon me for not wanting to study so much- I can be so silly. But...if he was a snob about his intelligence then I probably wouldnt have liked him - not because he was a so-called nerd or loser, but because I dont like snobs. Hey, I was happy with B's because then I could have more play time and I didn't have to study much to get B's in h.s. Heck, once I found out my father would not allow me to go to an out of town college (he liked to keep an eye on me) - I walked into that SAT exam (never studied) and just filled in the circles in whatever pattern seemed nice, without really looking at the questions - why? Because the college my father wanted me to go to didn't require SAT scores back then - a local college. If an old h.s. classmate could pass her french final doing that...then I had to see what would happen with my SAT scores.
But, enough about me - what have you guys seen or observed about men and their past and baggage?
Edited 6/29/2007 9:25 pm ET by snafu2006

It's just not worth getting into someone else's drama. I'll just say I disagree with pretty much everything you say and leave it at that.
~~.: Sandra :.~~
Edited 6/30/2007 1:17 am ET by i_b_sandradee
I'm not sure if being unpopular in high school effects men more strongly than women. I think there is a definite difference though between men and women though when it comes to how they react to being rejected by the opposite. I think there are women who hold on to baggage with that, but it happens more often with men. I think it's largely a result of the different messages that men and women receive from society. Men are still expected to be more aggressive at the beginning of the relationship a lot of the time. If a guy hasn't found a girlfriend when he wanted one, he's told that he should be searching harder. This sends him the message that he hasn't done a good enough job of searching and that something is wrong with him. On the other hand, women are constantly getting the "girl power" message that they shouldn't feel as though they NEED a man. If they're not finding the right guy, they're told that they just need to be true to themselves, love themselves, build a good life independently of a man, and that then the right guy will want them and come after them. Is it any wonder then that men are a lot more likely to have baggage from their single years than women do?
Likewise, if a girl doesn't lose her virginity when most of her peers do, she is just seen as being "innocent" and saving herself. If a guy doesn't lost his virginity when his peers do, people think it's because he hasn't been able to find a girl who would sleep with him. I think that makes it a lot tougher for guys as well.