What is he afraid of?
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What is he afraid of?
| Mon, 02-19-2007 - 10:02pm |
Hi,
I really need to understand a guy's mind in this situation. I met a married guy and decided that I will not start a relationship with him. He convinced me that he will leave his wife next month and ask me to give him a chance until then, to let him know me better. He stopped loving her for a long time. I accepted. At the end of the month, he finally told her that he wants to leave her. He was devastated at her response that she will fight for the kids. Afraid of losing them, he agreed to go into counseling to save their relationship. I was ok with it. Finally, realizing he might not leave her, I told him that I don't want him anymore because the deal was that he leaves his wife but since the deal is not working, I have to go. It was the hardest decision I had to make but I believe it was the best for both of us. He told me that I hurted him very much, that I didn't give him enough time to decide, that I left while he is in trouble since the only reason for him to leave was for me. Then, I learned that he found someone else to replace me and decided to have another baby with his wife. All of this in less than three months. I asked him to talk to me, to tell me what happened to us in all that. He refused completly to do so. I see him every day and it is hard to pretend that nothing happened. What is he afraid of?
I really need to understand a guy's mind in this situation. I met a married guy and decided that I will not start a relationship with him. He convinced me that he will leave his wife next month and ask me to give him a chance until then, to let him know me better. He stopped loving her for a long time. I accepted. At the end of the month, he finally told her that he wants to leave her. He was devastated at her response that she will fight for the kids. Afraid of losing them, he agreed to go into counseling to save their relationship. I was ok with it. Finally, realizing he might not leave her, I told him that I don't want him anymore because the deal was that he leaves his wife but since the deal is not working, I have to go. It was the hardest decision I had to make but I believe it was the best for both of us. He told me that I hurted him very much, that I didn't give him enough time to decide, that I left while he is in trouble since the only reason for him to leave was for me. Then, I learned that he found someone else to replace me and decided to have another baby with his wife. All of this in less than three months. I asked him to talk to me, to tell me what happened to us in all that. He refused completly to do so. I see him every day and it is hard to pretend that nothing happened. What is he afraid of?

Nothing happened with the two of you. This guy is/was out for a good time. Unfortunately, you've fallen into the "I'll leave him/her for you" trap. And it happens on both sides, so I don't want this to turn into a male-bashing post. Think of it like this--if a person truly wanted to leave a relationship, he/she would, period. The fact that he replaced you with some new girl should speak volumes to you. None of his words were true.
I'm sorry you had to go through this but don't waste any more of your valuable time thinking about it. Evaluate why you were even willing to get involved with a man who is involved with someone, take time to sort things through and when you're truly ready, find someone who is not committed and is free to have a real relationship.
Hope this helps.