What is he thinking?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
What is he thinking?
6
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 2:05pm
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 5 months. We have been living together for the past 3 1/2 months at least. We are going to Vegas at the end of October and had talked about getting married while we were there but no plans set in stone or anything. If we did fine, if not fine. but.... For the last week or so something has been a little different. Not bad, just different. So on Saturday, I asked him what was wrong and he didn't want to talk about it because he knew that it was going to hurt my feelings. I asked if he wanted to break up and he said no. I told him that I was just going to leave until he wanted to talk about it. I got all my stuff from the house and left. The whole time I was doing this, he kept asking me why I was taking everything and why I was doing this. I just told him because I did not feel like he wanted me around. He said that was not true but that he needed some time. He still wants to be together but just not stay together all the time. He said he needs to get things straight in his head and he keeps telling me that everything is going to be okay but... I don't know that. I know that we jumped into everything really fast but we are great together. We are very happy and haven't really even had a fight yet. One of the things that he said before I left was that he needed to see if he was going to miss me. What is that all about?? What is he thinking?

What do you think happened????

Please help, I am very confused because I really did not see this coming. We have always been very happy and always had passion for each other up until this. I went over there last night and everything was kind-of weird. We still talk just like we always did but I just go home when I get ready. I just don't know what to think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 3:30pm
barbiedoll2seven...

Pianoguy thinks your agenda and his don't match.

You want something serious, but your b/f wants to keep things casual. Problem is...you lived together expecting him to do or say something...and HE DIDN'T! So his willingness to "make you an honest woman" (by marriage) won't be part of the plan anytime soon.

Knowing this...do you still want to go to VEGAS with him?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 3:36pm
Ohh girl slow down. Wow how old are you if you don't mind me asking? I am 25 and would not consider moving in with my boyfriend now. We have only been dating for three months. but I guess it all depends on the inividual situation.It sounds to me that your boyfreind really cares about you but he wants to make sure this is the right thing to do to which is a good thing it will also give you time to consider if this is something that will be good for you. You really don't know a person in the first stages and since it sounds like you to have been inseparable the "seeing if he will miss you" seems to me like he just would like to see if you guys spent time apart if this is something he really wants to be in since he has never really had time apart from you. It sounds like he just needs some space which everybody needs once in awhile and maybe you should take this as an opertunity to see how you feel. Don't worry to much though it will all work out. Just enjoy the realationship first instead of worrying about all this marriage stuff right away. Hope this helps a little.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 3:51pm
Thanks for the advice. I am 27 and he is 31.

I just put the marriage thing in there because I was kind-of thinking that could be one of the reasons for slowing down. I am not worried about slowing down. That is fine but it was just very sudden. You are right when you say that we have never been apart. We are together all the time. I am not that upset about it just very confused. It is really hard to make a change like that and not think that something is very wrong. I just love him so much I don't know how I could ever lose him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 4:53pm
Yeah I know realtionships are hard especially when you finally have found someone you can connect with cause there are so many things that have to work when you meet someone. And when they all fit it is hard to not be worried about losing it. The other guy who replied thinks you two have diffrent agendas but it does not sound like it to me I just think he needed time to think and a little space to clear his head. The guy I am dating right now kinda did the same but not as extreme cause we are not close to talking about moving in together or marriage but he was in two very seriuos realtionships before me and was kinda scared when he met me cause he did not want everything going to fast so he backed up a bit but I just learned to give him his space and he is coming around. I just kept thinking you know I was happy with my life before him so if he decides he does not want to persue this I will just contuine what I had before him you know. You sound smart and level headed so I really wish the best for you and I bet he will come around.

Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 5:24pm
You guys had a fast and get close fast relationship, shoot, I'd need time alone and time to think also. Give him some space/time, definitely.

I'd never live with a guy unless we were engaged. Things just get too messy (upon breakup) to combine your lives on such short dating time and often people stay in a relationship with someone alot longer than they normally would (and not setting you free) because you are living together. Why do you need to live together? Can you two still see each other and enjoy each other/ appreciate in separate living settings? Living separately allows things to be unforced, IMO, and more natural. What's the rush?

He 'needs to see if he will miss you'.... means just that. Often, guys don't figure out what they want unless they do not have you. This is all good IMO. You two need space, and yes, do things/ have a life without the other one is only HEALTHY and IMPORTANT. If a guy expected to have me around and have attention from me 24/7 I'd feel smothered. Ever heard the phrase, "absence makes the heart grow fonder?" Well, for many people, this is how they appreciate you more.

Slow things down, each take time/space

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 10:28pm
sob....sob....it feels so good to hear ppl giving so much encouragement....life is all about that....positive thinking...and then it happens....sob...sob...i cant control my emotions.....sob...sob...sorry...

(doing my assignment and reading ivillage discussion once in a while gives me so much spirit......sob..sob...)

elvis in silence