what is he trying to say~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2002
what is he trying to say~
4
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 7:30pm

I have been seeing a guy for 2 months, mainly seeing him twice a week, we work different shifts so its not always easy and he has his 16 yr old daughter everyother weekend. There is chemistry and we kiss very passionatley but no sex. He want to go slow and i was all about that were both 50 yrs old. He didn't wan tto give his heart away and get hurt once again. We talked a month ago about him not ready for a full fledged relationship. I aske d what do you mean by that. The I love you's and the rings...For goodness sakes I said are you kidding we hav eonly just started to get to know each other...

so last week he worked 52 hrs. we were suppose to go to lunch last Tues..but he got called into work..he emailed me Wed and then fri...he hasn't called me since last Tuesday and he usually called every day...here is what his email said Friday...What do you think of this...

Hey Victoria,

I appoligize for not getting back to you sooner, just taking the time to get enough rest. The 3am in the morning thing does some damage but I'm starting to adjust to it again.

I'm going to Detroit this weekend to visit with Alicia so I'm not going to make it to the graduation party. Then I'm going to be back into work sunday nite at 11pm to 3am monday.

Just reflecting on alot of stuff and it does involve you as well. I do enjoy spending time with you but I want to back up just alittle and do the friends thing again. You are a sweet woman and I'm glad to share some time with you, for that fact I hope it can continue when the time is available for the both of us, but for right now I'm spreading myself just a little too thin with family, work, and service to be able to US justice.

Just don't feel comfortable with it.

I was going to wait until the after the party but you deserve to know where I'm at right now.

Gotta get some running around done and then head into work.

Doug

My response was> Have a wonderful weekend and a great fathers day with Alicia.

Be well and have a safe trip to and fro.<

Any thoughts??? That statment about seeing each other when we have time, that is so generic.. that's when most people see each other is when they have time....Do i email him and tell him i want to continue or leave it be...or is he trying to tell me he doesn't want to see me...I'm confused, by the wording

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 7:52pm

Well maybe he is telling the truth and ment just what he said. I who either email or call and thank e for being up front with you.

At least he did not leave you hanging!!! That is something! LOL

Or you could what and see if you hear from him.

I probably would have said more in my reply, but that is me, and I am still single so... LOL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 8:00pm
Wow, honestly that email is WAY WAY more than 99% of guys will ever give you! That is sad, but true! I'd be happy with that email. It sounded genuine to me. Your hours are obviously insanely long and grueling! I'm sure you understand. It does sound like he just wants to think over stuff and manage time with his family. Obviously, this is not in line with what you want and your needs, but you're going to have to a) accept what he wants and be friends with him b) DONT be friends with him and be nothing at all. If you meet someone else who has more time for you, then great. But I coldn't be mad at someone who wants to manage time with their family and works 52 hours/week and expressed all that to me (instead of the usual guy who just ignores you and disappears with no explanation whatsoever).
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 10:33pm
Basically he wants to stop dating. The only person who knows whether or not he was telling you the truth is him. Since you have nothing to work with but this email I would hit the delete key and move on the best you can. If you stay friends who see each other every now and then, but not dating, then your feelings may have a tough time reconciling the situation and your healing may be delayed. But..only you can make that decision for you. Based on his assumption of I love you's and rings, he may have over estimated your feelings for him and may be a little embarassed too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 10:02am

Take what he said and leave it at that. At least, like the others said, he gave you some form of goodbye. As far as a friendship goes, it might be a little difficult to move to that point now as it would only cause more confusion, but if you live near each other it might be unavoidable.

Your response was good also. No call me's or when will I see you, etc. He's not a young guy and if he's not ready, he may never be. Believe him.

Be happy for the time spent together, be happy no sex involved, and be happy with your life. This is dating and he seemed to be an ok guy for just that but nothing more, IMHO.

Patty

PATTY

~Dare to believe in yourself~