what is his deal?
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what is his deal?
| Thu, 04-15-2004 - 8:26pm |
Hi everyone, I need some help on this one. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of almost a year and a half, due to small little fights we kept having. After a month has gone by, I have realized that I miss our relationship and think that I gave up on it too early. I called my ex and asked him to come and talk, so we talked for awhile and I told him how I felt about us getting back together. He didn¡¦t tell me how he felt, but the whole time he was being flirtatious and playing hard to get. He ended up having to leave for a family emergency, but later that night he stopped by my house. We ended up having sex later that night, not to mention best sex ever; afterwards I asked him what he wanted. He told me that he thought sometimes he felt like he couldn¡¦t live without me, but then other times he enjoyed not having any drama in his life and I believe he was really sincere in saying this. Having sex with him wasn¡¦t the smartest decision, but there was so much passion between us it seemed inevitable. Early in the morning he had to leave for work, so he gave me a hug and big kiss, but said nothing more. It has been almost 4 days since this happened, and my mind is wondering whether he will call and want to talk, or just ignore the situation. Does he just need more time to think, or is he definitely not coming back? Any ideas? Thanks ƒº

About how you're feeling...you need to really think it out, do you miss HIM or do you miss the idea of the relationship? All the things that lead to your break up still exist and if you were to get back together with him, it would be driving you up the wall again. I'm not sure that you're missing him so much as hurting because you're _used_ to him. Do you get what I'm trying to say? After 1.5 years, give yourself more than one month to get over missing him. Step 1: don't have sex with him unless you've both agreed that you're back on as a couple.
I really appreciate your honesty on my situation. I have made all this effort to be with him lately and all he has done is sent me mixed signals, and unless he comes back and makes the effort with me than he is just not worth my time! I just feel guilty that i had sex with him, like i was easy and desperate to get him back. Im confused as to why he said he really missed me after having sex rather than before, and your right, if there is a next time he has some talking to do and no sex will be involved. Hopefully, this works out for the best. Thanks again.
I think that you need to focus on number one right now and that is you. Number one needs to focus on mourning the relationship and moving on...missing him and hurting is part of a healthy process...think about the good and the bad and focus on working out, going out with friends, join that book club you always wanted to join, go water rafting, whatever...it doesn't have to be a horrible, sad time...you can spend this time to rediscover who _you_ are without the girlfriend of X title. I'm sure that there are somethings that you enjoyed that he didn't that you could get back into, right?
And I also know the feeling of missing a relationship, no matter how bad it was. The "withdrawal" makes you think that perhaps things weren't as bad as you remember...
But it takes two to make a couple, hon. Who can say whether he is even considering getting back with you? I think he would have called you by now and you guys would be talking and seeing each other, if he were ready to try again. Don't wait for him. Go on with your life... meet other men, do other things. I know it's painful, but you will get through this. It will take a little time. When you start feeling like you want him back, just remember why you wanted out in the first place. It is possible to have a good relationship with someone where you don't argue all the time. Personally, I would rather be on my own than constantly irritated by someone.
I don't know if this has helped, but I hope you feel better soon.