What I can't understand...
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What I can't understand...
| Wed, 12-08-2004 - 12:23pm |
I know that I will have more responses from the regulars here but I am hoping that some of the newer posters will respond as well...

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Gonna take a shot...
I think the world is changing. Though I'm younger than you, I grew up in a time and was taught that my body is a temple and that I shouldn't allow too many men in that temple... I was also taught the value of patience (though I have a hard time with that).
Nowadays everything is about 'immediate gratification' and I think that may be what's driving the rush to sex, relationships, commitments, etc. I think the fact that people are jumping in so quickly is why the divorce rate has increased--I believe it's over 50% for the U.S. now.
Lastly, people have forgotten how to become friends and learn about one another first, before engaging in a sexual relationship. Again, I think that may pull into the immediate gratification need--I am attracted to him/her therefore I must have him/her NOW.
Makes sense? Or does it create more questions?
Hi,
I agree with you. It does seem like everyone is in such a rush these days. I too find it incredible that people fall in love right away and many move in together before they find out their last names (just kidding). Anyhow, the daughter of a very good friend of mine moved into the house of a guy that she met on the internet two weeks after meeting him. She had e-mailed back and forth with him for 2 weeks so she justifies to her mom that it was actually one month. Sometimes I think that they feel that if they don't make a move right away they will lose this great find???? I don't know, My $.02. Lucy
We have rendered the definition of "success" to be "instant gratification".
You see it in our economy, in our professional markets, in our personal lives. We've become an instant gratification nation....what it costs tomorrow, what it portends for tomorrow - that's not today's problema nd if I can offset the negative to someone else - it won't be my problem tomorrow either.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Ok, I'm not really a regular here, and I am considerably younger than a lot of people, so I would like to offer my $.02. First off, I agree that so many people seem to be jumping into sexual relationships and then moving too quickly to marriage, etc. This is especially evident of the younger people, some not even old enough to vote yet. For these people, it is a matter of not having been taught the value of self respect and wanting to be accepted. This is not right, this is how things have become. So many parents have set examples for their children by getting divorced or dating around a lot; a lot have not been given the chance to see what a good old fashioned romance is about. I can say that I did not save myself for the man I was sure I was going to marry, but I did save myself for a man whom I deeply cared about and I knew I would not regret anything. To this day, I do not regret our relationship. I then had a sexual relationship with a few other men over the course of a few years, yet never committed to a relationship with them or gave them my love. Why? Because I wanted the sexual gratification that has been mentioned here. Do I regret what I have done? No, it has helped make me the person who I am. I, however, am not one of those who has ever rushed into committed relationships; I refuse to be in a committed relationship that I know will not provide the possibility of marriage. In turn, I have never experienced many of the things listed below and discussed on this board--never been engaged, never gone around alawys having "relationship drama", etc. In my current relationship, which has been my only committed relationship ever, I have been dating this man for 5 months. Some people may say that we moved too quickly because we were in an exclusive, committed relationship within one month, but I know it wasn't wrong. We do not live together, and we are not engaged. It's probably something that will happen 2 or 3 years down the road, as that neither of us is rushing into anything more. I will say that perhaps we had a sexual relationship too early on (soon after becoming exclusive), and that is possibly because I am so used to having sexual relationships, but with him, I have true happiness and satisfaction--not just gratification. I also know that he values sex highly in that he has not experimented around and has always chosen his partners carefully (only 2 previous).
As far as people who have planned pregnancies so early on, it is obvious to me that there are some emotional issues going on that definitely need resolved.
That being said, my two best female friends are married to men whom they moved in with after 3 or less months of dating. Both of these had been friends with their mates for years before dating, and moved directly into committed relationships. One of my friends has only been with her husband, and the other has only been with her husband and the father of her child. They have both been with their respective mates for over 5 years, and neither feels that living together so early on harmed the relationships--but that was as far as they went, it took both couples over 3 1/2 years before they moved on to marriage.
Sexual gratification: Getting that physical release.
Sexual satisfaction: Sharing something more emotionally intimate during the physical act.
Something else that we may not be taking into account: Building those long-lasting relationships is a matter of desire--Some people may not want a deep relationship. Some people don't want more than just a few months or a year. Maybe it's because the longer it goes, the more work it becomes. Or maybe it's because they're unwilling to expose themselves to that extent. Whatever the reason, they may not be looking for the same thing...
Different strokes for different folks?
Well, Terry, it's been that way for as long I've been dating (since the mid-70s). All my serious r'ships started off fast and furious, including the one with my ex-husband that lasted 10 years, and that was pretty much the norm among everyone I knew. We didn't date, we "relationship'd" right away, as Erin would put it ;-).
It's only in the last 7 years or so, since my last LTR ended and I've been dating again, that I've made a concerted effort to slow things down and really accept the fact that infatuation is grand, but it takes *time* to get to know a person well enough to know if you are compatible enough for a LTR, and that the first 3-4 months are generally the honeymoon period.
I know quite a few women in my general age group who have also made this realization and who have changed their dating behavior accordingly. We are bucking the trend, if you will. And I've met a number of men who are just fine with this.
But I do agree that our society as a whole is more selfish and more geared towards instant gratification today than it was even 30 years ago, so that may have something to do with it. I also think that many, many people suffer from low self-esteem or are otherwise emotionally unhealthy and perceive that a r'ship will make them something they are not.
Interesting topic!
Sheri
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