what kind of signals is he sending?
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| Sun, 10-17-2004 - 8:34pm |
Went out with a guy last weekend that I have known for years. We hung out a lot when we were teenagers (15 years ago) but we were strictly friends. I actually dated one of his buddies for a while back then. I haven't seen or talked to him in about 5 years since we do live an hour apart. Anyway, a few weeks back I saw his profile on an online service so I sent him a note. We chatted online and then he called. We talked on the phone daily for about a week before we went out. Our first date consisted of drinks and pool with my cousin and his gf. The next morning we were supposed to go hunting since we are both avid outdoorsmen/women so I decided to stay at his place. We got there and he insisted I have the bed and he'd sleep on the couch. Well I wasn't comfortable rooting him out of his bed so I crashed on the couch. He couldn't handle that so he came in before I went to sleep and asked if I wanted to swap ... hello!!!! aren't 2 adults capable of sharing a bed? I wasn't up for sex but geez. So finally the problem was solved and we decided to share the bed. No hanky panky just a little cuddling. Next morning we got up and it was raining so the hunt was off. Ended up hanging out on the couch watching movies all day. When it was time for me to go he pretty much just hugged me and said goodbye. Since then he has called every day sometimes twice, but our conversations seem to be limited to hunting. We didn't used to be like this. For some reason I am uncomfortable when talking to him, but I truly think it's because he has me so puzzled. We haven't had another date, but he always says "next time we'll do this or go here". Well $*(@ he has to ask me out for there to be a next time. I do know he has been burned really bad and is very leary but holy cow. Call me everyday but doesn't want to see me? I kind of just want to say hey bud what's the deal here. Are you just wanting us to be friends again or are you looking for something more. Being uncomfortable is driving me nuts. Thoughts? Suggestions?

Lord....you're how old again?
There's nothing wrong with hunting as a date......and I suppose technically....well, no - not technically.
Basically - what is dating...it's a period of getting ot know one another as individuals, putting your best foot forward an being impressive - but also assessing thier character. A person that doesn't invest time and energy in "dtaing" you - probably wants nothing but someone to hang out with and hook up with for theri needs and at their convenience and on their terms.
So here's you - wanting to "date"......so you all go to dinner...and now you're over here making it convenient, easy, trying to "save him the trouble of trying to see you again" - you stay at his house, you sleep IN his bed with him.....everything you do with him is not because of him...but because of you.
If I were him - I wouldn't want to date a woman that has the idea that in order to have companionship she's got to make it easy and convenient to have access without any effort on my part....and I'd be figuring that what you do with me, you do with plenty of other people......nobody is going to be inspired to date you if you're a "free lunch".
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
But I will say this..back off for a minute. Don't take his calls. If you do take a call, let him know that you are busy and only talk for a few minutes. IF he wants to take you out he will ask you. If he doesn't ask you, then he is only interested in friendship.
Good Luck!
http://tickers.ticke
Did you specify dating?
In having worked with, adn competed with and against lots of men - I have a tendency to think like they do - in order to compete against and with them athletically and work well with them in construction.
Most guys that would hear "I want to take this to another level" - if that specifically or generally is all that you indicated.....after having had you sleep in their bed without action at your own insistence....would likely assume you mean "let's get physical"....in other words - hang out and hook up buddies. Even as a woman...if a guy said to me after sharing a bed platonically, and having been interactive and interested in shared events and pursuits....let's "take it to another level" - I personally would assume wanted to have a platonic friendship with a sexual benefit. I wouldn't assume he wanted to date.
If you specifically said you wanted to date...and he was receptive to it - you might consider asking him out. What isn't possibly realistically is "to pursue and be pursued". You're pursuing dating...why not ask him out formally, pick him up, plan and pay...and show him precisely what you mean by "dating" - so that he has no confusion about your intentions and desires.
Because he can't imagine that you're incapable of that.....after all this interaction dn discussion.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com