What kind of "Talk"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
What kind of "Talk"?
1
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 1:30pm

For once, I am posting here and not freaking out. This is unusual. :)

Anyway, I've been dating a guy for a few months now; we see each other about once or twice every couple weeks and talk at least four or five times a week in addition (we have conflicting schedules, but he definitely makes an effort to see me and vice versa). I like him very much and though I've had my seemingly irrational and silly doubts (I can be a head case when I really like someone), I'm fairly certain the feeling is mutual. We've stayed at each other's places a few times, he's asked me if I was seeing anyone else, and he's mentioned that he wants a relationship, though not in specific reference to me. He's endearingly shy and I know he doesn't get even this involved with women very often (I feel like he's very similar to me in that sense...if there's no spark and interest in something even semi-long term, it's not going to happen). I'm not the type to feel the "need" to have "the Talk," about what we are, blah blah blah (though I can't say I'm not curious)...as long as I know he's into me and wants to keep seeing me, I'm willing to go with the flow.

However, there are two concerns here, one more important than the other. First of all (and less importantly), I don't "need" the label, but I'm also not really sure I want to tell people I'm single, if that makes any sense. I don't want to see anyone else, and he knows that and has said the same for me. I suppose I could just mention that I'm seeing someone, so that part's not a huge deal.

Second of all, he's living near me now short-term (from right before I met him until September) and then moving back home 300 miles away (which isn't terrible...a mid-length car trip and a short flight), probably until next spring. However, I like this guy a lot, which rarely happens for me, and I would be completely fine with keeping things going if he wanted to (after all, we don't see each other all that much now and are still happy). I don't feel like this is necessarily the right time to have a talk, but I feel like we need to...what should I say?? I feel like the circumstances might make us try to rush things, which I'm not sure I want either (in large part in an attempt not to mess up what we already have).

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 2:07pm

After a few months of dating I don't see the problem with having an honest discussion about what the plans are after this man moves away. In a casual tone, tell him you enjoy his company and does he have any thought about what happens next month once he leaves?

He'll probably be glad to have the discussion as well.