What is up with the men these days?
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What is up with the men these days?
| Tue, 08-23-2005 - 4:20am |
Well,
I don't know how to write this since I already posted a message on the love board and nobody has replied yet. This may sound kind of crazy, or at least it sounds it to me.
The question is, what is it with men who claim are straight but who have bisexual tendencies of occasionally kissing other men (no sex)? I have dated my fair share, and have to say this is not always a problem for me (although I have my doubts at times as to who is or isn't gay or bisexual), but I can't help but wonder what is happening to men, what are they turning into nowadays? How do you know who is doing what and for which reasons? My ex boyfriend, I spent almost 5 years with, granted we were young, in our early twenties, admitted before I actually broke up with him that he had kissed other men. After years of going out on dates, recently I bumped into another one. I went out for fun one night, he is a person I work with, one thing led to another over drinks, and he opened up to me and we started talking about our lives. He admits that he kisses other men on occasion. He appears to be a very sensitive, feminine-like almost at times guy, although on first impression, I would not think he is gay... Although I am not involved with him, nor do intend to be, I can't help but posting a message here because I simply don't understand this concept. I am curious. Actually, since this happened to me with my ex, I have to know. I think there are major changes in what is happening to men nowadays, and I can't explain why. This person in particular, just like my ex, is self-centered and says he was spoiled as a child (just like my ex). He also admits that he does it for the fun, but to attract attention and to shock the other people he is out with--he kisses men in bars in front of his friends... Has anybody ever heard of anything like this? Has had to deal with this? What is up with this behavior?
Thanks. I would love to hear a man's perspective on this one! But women please feel free to reply.
I don't know how to write this since I already posted a message on the love board and nobody has replied yet. This may sound kind of crazy, or at least it sounds it to me.
The question is, what is it with men who claim are straight but who have bisexual tendencies of occasionally kissing other men (no sex)? I have dated my fair share, and have to say this is not always a problem for me (although I have my doubts at times as to who is or isn't gay or bisexual), but I can't help but wonder what is happening to men, what are they turning into nowadays? How do you know who is doing what and for which reasons? My ex boyfriend, I spent almost 5 years with, granted we were young, in our early twenties, admitted before I actually broke up with him that he had kissed other men. After years of going out on dates, recently I bumped into another one. I went out for fun one night, he is a person I work with, one thing led to another over drinks, and he opened up to me and we started talking about our lives. He admits that he kisses other men on occasion. He appears to be a very sensitive, feminine-like almost at times guy, although on first impression, I would not think he is gay... Although I am not involved with him, nor do intend to be, I can't help but posting a message here because I simply don't understand this concept. I am curious. Actually, since this happened to me with my ex, I have to know. I think there are major changes in what is happening to men nowadays, and I can't explain why. This person in particular, just like my ex, is self-centered and says he was spoiled as a child (just like my ex). He also admits that he does it for the fun, but to attract attention and to shock the other people he is out with--he kisses men in bars in front of his friends... Has anybody ever heard of anything like this? Has had to deal with this? What is up with this behavior?
Thanks. I would love to hear a man's perspective on this one! But women please feel free to reply.

Far from an expert, but I think things are changing simply because living alternative lifestyles is more acceptable than it was back in the day...
Are you worried about running into guys who aren't being honest? Or is this more of a curiosity thing?
Interesting that you should ask. I am most concerned about those men who claim to be straight while doing these types of things, and not wanting to fully admit that what they are doing is not at least bisexual. Basically, these types of men are trying to deny what they really are, and their understanding is that it is entirely normal for this type of thing to happen to a straight man. I have no answer for that because I have no source of comparison. There is no way for me to be able to say he is wrong because I wouldn't know. So, the honesty factor is part of it. But, also the curiosity: could he be right? Who is to say that he is not? I have met a person who went from being bisexual to practically heterosexual now. How am I to judge? I haven't lived it first hand, so I don't know... I would be inclined to believe, however, that once you do it, you are tempted to do it again, maybe go all the way at some point.
I am also starting to get concerned that I may not be capable of 'living up' to these types of new standards that men are allowing themselves to explore... and I would like to be able to accept this though. Part of me accepts it, and part of me doesn't know what to think. I think the root of my initial worry after having been exposed recently to a situation very similar to my past, although under different circumstances, lies in the fact that I have been lied to in the past. Of course the act in and of itself seemed odd to me, but not only that, I had been lied to for years. At this point, I was really disappointed that my partner would not consider me his equal. I felt disrespected... and left with a lot of confusion about the person I had gotten involved with...
I think I could be with a man who only kisses men, but not with one who sleeps with them... but, I guess I would have to be able to trust that what the person is telling me is true (that he is just kissing them).
Because of what is happening in society, because we are so free, I started questioning myself a few years ago about what it would be like to explore the same opportunity for myself... It wouldn't be impossible. I guess it's a choice, and sometimes a matter of circumstance. I don't know how I would feel thereafter. I think I would have guilt afterwards for a while... But, that's probably meant for a different discussion.
Thank you for reading,
tbartoli