What to say on this coming encounter?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2001
What to say on this coming encounter?
6
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 11:08am
I have a friend who has been married for 2 yrs now, she is pregnant at this moment. Im single no kids. We are around the same age. For some reason, Im gathering my friend wants me to date someone or at least met them to see if we have chemistry and in the long run date each other with the guy. I mean, Im not in a hurry to get married anytime soon. So yesterday she called me to ask me first, If I was seeing anybody. I told her no and I was surprised she called me for that. Then she told me the story, there is this guy she knows, because there is a guy, a brother of her husband brother`s wife, so my friends know this particular guy. She called me yesterday if I would particulary wanna go out with this guy, the thing is that this guy told her sister 2 weeks ago he wanted to meet a girl to hang out with, the only requirements he asked was that she likes going to the movies and eat out. So his sister called my friend and ask her if she knew a nice girl, who like going to the movies and hang out because she wanted her brother to meet a girl. My friend told the sister that she knew someone but she did not know if that someone was dating or not, she would find out and let her know. Of course that particular “someone” is me.The guy is 31yrs old, Im 33.

So my friend called me and that is why she asked me first without telling me anything what the conversation on the phone will be about, If I was seeing anybody. So I told her no and I asked her why. Then she told me the story about the guy and his sister wanting to look for someone to hang out with her brother. My friend told me, that she knows the guy, he is a guy that has morals, he has a car, he is studying advertising design, his parents are kind of strict with him, I mean his parents since he is the only one left single in his house, his parents are protective of him, he is not a “wild” guy or party animal. So my friend called me to see if I want to go out with him this Saturday. But my friend suggested me 2 options and told me what would I like: 1. She give him my phone number so he can call me and we agree on seeing each other and he would pick me up or 2. We all go this Saturday to his house (by “we” I mean, my friend, her husband, me and the guy) we all get together this Saturday in his house and order some pizza or something, that way you are more comfortable, she told me.

My friend told me that this Saturday`s date should not be a compromise or committment with me, the important thing just get to know each other better and see if we get along well.

My friend told me that she thought of me because Im a nice girl, pretty, easy going, likes movies, eat out and she believes I will get along well with the guy, he is just for me.

That sounds like my friend wants me to marry the guy in the future and I dont even know him (hehe!!) My friend told me this way was exactly the way she met her husband. Of course, she is not looking me for a husband but she wants me to see a guy, hang out, date.

I mean I have never ever ever had a boyfriend before in my life, never really dated anyone, so I dont have much of men experience when dating or hanging out comes, but Im ok the way I am now, If a guy comes along to my life is Ok, if it does not come is Ok too. But I dont want people to look me for guys, meeting a guy should be spontaneous I guess.

I told my friend that for me it will be better if we (she, her husband and myself) will go together to this guy house because how can he pick me up and hang out and we dont even know personally or even talked to each other before and doing that on the first hang out is not appropriate. I will hang out this Saturday but just to do the favor to my friend and this guy`s sister who wants her brother to meet a girl. I mean, if we clicked as friends only, is Ok, but if he is looking for a more serious thing in the future because he wants to settle he has the age to do it so, and for the moment those things are not in my plans yet, just friends with me. Of course on the first date he wont tell me that.

My friend told me: “For this Saturday be very pretty”.

Now, what topics should I talk to the guy? I mean Once I finished speaking about the traditional issues such as his job, his hobbies, where he works, where he grew up, where did he to go high school, etc. I dont know what else to talk about. I dont know why the guy is asking other people to look for a girl for him to hang out, perhaps he is shy or retracted, who knows!. For me this will be the first time someone (intermediate) is hooking me up with a guy because that particular guys wants desesperately to meet a girl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 11:34am
maru1962...

Pianoguy is curious??? Why did you consent to this "BLIND DATE?" Granted...you have a friend who is married w/children...and also has wonderful "intentions" for you...but she sure sounds PUSHY?

You sound content with your life the way it is. Somehow you managed to breathe and survive without a man in your life for more than 30 years, right? Granted...you haven't been out on a "real date"---but believe it or not---YOU AREN'T ALONE!

It doesn't sound like you're particularly thrilled with "meeting up" or socializing---so call your friend this afternoon and tell her...THANKS...BUT NO THANKS! You don't have to offer any explanations...just sweetly tell her: "I'M NOT INTERESTED!

Actually...

I'll bet you have one or two friends who DEFINITELY need companionship on Saturday night? Why not pass along their phone numbers to your "friend" and let her play matchmaker for one of them?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 12:50pm
I'm always a little leary of being set up, since my last experience was with someone I had NOTHING in common with- my friend just wanted to set me up with the guy so that her dh and him would have something in common to talk about, they were both into cars.

This is the same friend who said to me, "when my dh and I decide to have kids, you should get pregnant too so we can be pregnant together". ( I have a son and am very happy with only one child).

So sometimes people set you up for their own agenda and not yours. I say go and have fun, but expect only that you are making a new friend, and let your friends know that as well. Sure, it would be great if you two hit it off, but reality???

Alison

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2001
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 11:24am
Pianoguy.

Let me try to answer your questions.


1. "Why did you consent to this "BLIND DATE?" - My friend is married and dont have kids yet, she is 6 weeks pregnant. She is the only real friend I have, I dont have other friends. She considers me her dear friend, that is why she thought of me and called me and explain me the reason why. The guy (who by the way is the brother of my friend´s sister in law) asked her own sister to look for a girl, he could hang out with. So because my friend wanted to check first If I was dating or seeing someone, then when I told her no, then she told me the story, she told me about the date just after I told her I was not seeing anyone, but at that precise moment I did not have a clue why she asked me that. I have been to my friend´s house several times, she considers me her dear friend, so perhaps since she knows the guy and how he is, she has been to his house, know his parents (her sister in law is her brother), she thought it would be nice If I met him, so it would not be really a blind blind date. Perhaps my friend knowing that I have never had a boyfriend before, or not exactly a boyfriend but a guy to hang out, she thought of me and that Im in the age or late of going out with guys, which is the normal thing to do.


2. "I'll bet you have one or two friends who DEFINITELY need companionship on Saturday night? Why not pass along their phone numbers to your "friend" and let her play matchmaker for one of them? "- No, I dont have other friends.

3. It doesn't sound like you're particularly thrilled with "meeting up" or socializing---so call your friend this afternoon and tell her...THANKS...BUT NO THANKS!

You don't have to offer any explanations...just sweetly tell her: "I'M NOT INTERESTED!

Im not also a cave woman, I like socializing, is fun, otherwise I will become a bitter woman stucked in my house the whole time and never goes out. But what was strange for me was the way my friend wants to set me up with the guy, becuase the guy wants to hang out with a girl and asked his own sister to do the search, so the sister called her sister in law (my friend) fpr help and that is when my friend called me and told me the story. Also what it was odd was that my friend in one of the 2 choices she had for me to meet the guy, was to give the guy my phone number so he could call me and we agreed to go out. I mean I dont like that becaue I dont even know the guy and viceversa and my friend thought by giving him my phone number so we can own set a date to go out, it will be normal, without knowing the guy and she saw normal that I will go out alone just like that with the guy, if she gave him my phone number. That is why I told her no to that choice, I like the other option when we all(my friend, her husband, the guy and me and even the sister) gathered and order pizza at the guy´s house (his parents and his house) I mean a more different environment, than just the guy and me in other place by ourselves in order to get to know each other). My friend even told me the guy´s parents are very protective of him because he is the only single guy left in his family.

Yesterday my friend called me and told me that the guy could not meet this Saturday with us because he, his sister will have a family gathering. But the guy´s sister asked my friend how come on Sunday. On Sunday I cant, I will possibly have a family gathering coincidentally. When I told my friend I cant on Sunday, she asked me: "Make sure if your gathering in on Sunday please". Then she told me: "if you cant on Sunday, is ok, but some way I have to introduce you to the guy and you have to meet him". I think my friend indeed wants me to know the guy somehow, because since she knows him and knows me, she is thinking he could be a good friend for me and we have similar tastes.



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 11:57am
I only worry that the guy is 31 years old and still living at home. Screams of immaturity to me, but that's based on my personal experiences.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 4:02pm
maru1962...

Pianoguy goes back to his original question. Do YOU honestly want to meet the man? Or are you only going through the 'motions of the date' in order to please your friend?

Basically...if you wanna see the man...do it! But don't be pushed into accepting any type off of any friendhip (or relationship) unless thie is what YOU HONESTLY WANT!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2001
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 7:07pm
One thing. I dont live in the USA, so the part of a 31yrs still living at home does really apply where I live. I live in a small country and we are more conservative than USA, where leaving home at 20 is quite normal, here where I live that is not common. Here family bonding is very close, kids dont travel to other provinces to work, they remain in the same area or close where they live. Our country is not that big and also here most people leave home when they get married, unless the person has a lot of money that can afford to live by their own, otherwise they all live witht he parents in the same house the person grew up or was born until they get married. Here rent is expensive though and it is not very easy to afford and live by ourselves, salaries are not very high either, so the cheapest way is to conitnue living at home with the parents.

For example here a simple housemaid or housekeeper cannot afford a car, not even a maid who serves a rich family can afford to buy her own car, in the USA many maids (not all of course) can afford to have a car, have more car facilities, here that does not happen. So knowing that, renting a house or apartment is very expensive.