What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
What should I do?
8
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 12:12am

I dated this guy a year ago for about 7 weeks. It ended with him being mad at me. Rightly so. I played games. He has been really mad at me for a year. I hurt him badly. We didn’t really speak to each other, other than to say hi. I am waving the white flag and I am surrendering and trying to be friends again. I texted him an invite up to the local sports bar to watch a race and have a beer. He did come up. We had a really nice time. He was sweet to me. Bought me a drink. We talked. I still really like him. I am in a better place now. I want to be with him as more than friends. I don’t know if that’s what he wants. I don’t want to play games.


When we were leaving the bar I said “Hey call me. Keep in touch with me. And thanks for coming up.” I worry that by saying keep in touch that I was implying that it was no big deal if he called like a casual invite to call me. Like you would tell a friend “hey when you are in town call me”


But I really wanted to say “Call me now”


So it’s been 5 days and he hasn’t called.


He races for a hobby and he has a race this Saturday. When we were seeing each other a year ago I sent a text to him just before the race saying “Good Luck”. I would like to do that again this year b/c this is the same month we started seeing each other last year. Here’s my problem. I had texted him to come to the sports bar and he did. But did he come as friends or what? If we are just friends I know I can send the “Good Luck” message and not care about his reaction. However, if he is considering giving me a second chance I don’t want to be pushy and push him away. I want to give him the time he needs to work out in his head that I deserve the second chance. I know the saying “He’s just not that into you if he doesn’t call.” I believe that is true. However, would texting him a good luck wish be pushy? Like wow this girl is not letting it go? Would he think I was behaving like I did last year. I kinda want to send it so that 1. He knows I wish him luck. 2. He knows I am thinking about him. 3. He knows that I didn��t mean stay in touch some day in the future but within a couple days.


Again I know the dating books say “let the guy call you” But in this case I kinda feel like I need to initiate b/c he is so leary of me. Or was just seeing each other at the sports bar enough and I should back off and wait?


I really want to do it right this time. No games. But b/c of tender emotions I need to tread this one very lightly.


Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
In reply to: kaswid
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 7:26am
No games means being straight-up and telling him that
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
In reply to: kaswid
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 4:26pm

I have to disagree with the previous poster and say that texting him a simple "good luck!" before his race is much less pushy than straight-up telling him your feelings.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
In reply to: kaswid
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 4:31pm

<< I have to disagree with the previous poster and say that texting him a simple "good luck!" before his race is much less pushy than straight-up telling him your feelings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
In reply to: kaswid
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 5:55pm

IMHO, if you want to be more than friends with this EX then you have to come clean and tell him that you've changed and that you're not into games and such anymore. See, the last he felt was pain and the last he knew were mind

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: kaswid
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 9:45pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
In reply to: kaswid
Tue, 10-16-2007 - 9:50am

Update. I did meet with him and we talked. He was so sweet and honest. But he said he really likes me as a person. He's even sexually attracted to me but he doesn't feel it in his heart. Said he just feels like he should feel it in his heart. Which is all true and very honest. So I have my answer. I'm really glad we talked and I am really glad I have an answer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: kaswid
Tue, 10-16-2007 - 4:16pm
Sorry to hear that things didnt work out for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
In reply to: kaswid
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 11:06pm
Kudos for this guy. He gave you an honest answer.