what should I do?
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| Mon, 06-04-2007 - 8:30pm |
I'll try to make this brief!
I met this guy at work almost 3 years ago. He was 34 and I was 29. I told him I liked him or I think I kissed him while buzzed and dancing at an office mixer one Friday night. He emailed me the following Monday at work and we had a date for happy hour. He kind of made a move and I said no. Been there, done that with just having fun, no strings attached. So I told him no. He told me he was engaged for two years, never set a date, and then broke up towards the end of 2003. Here it was Feb. 2005, so really one year went by. He told me he wasn't ready to date yet, as he was still getting over his broken engagement. He asked for my cell phone number that night. WHY? I just refused to have sex with him and he still asks for my number??
He never called me after that, I guess because he knew I wanted a relationship and he wasn't ready for one yet. I'm glad he was honest about his broken engagement. FYI: I double checked around the office and it was true.
Three months passed and I got promoted to his dept.-May 2005. We said hi, but nothing more, and I saw him flirt with all the girls. I quit August 2005- long story. He saw me say goodbye to everyone and he said a quick "bye." That day at exactly 5 pm he called and left a voicemail! My phone was off. I usually turn it on after 5 or so. After all those months he never deleted my number from his cell.
August 2005: I start a new job and he says he wants to see me, never calls again.
January 2006: My new job is a client of my old job aka his current job. I hear there is a huge lay off/downsizing over there (thank god I left in time).
I didn't know which dept it was. I called my female friend but she didnt' call me back soon enough so I called him like a fool. It was 6 months since we last spoke. His dept was not affected.
Feb. 2006: We email for a while and find each other on Myspace.com, a sexual joke comes between us from a comment
March 2006: He actually comes to see me (45 min ride on a subway), tells me he still loves his ex-fiance and that she has a new boyfriend, I make a pass at him because of that sexual joke and then his exact words "I'm not into you."
April 2006: no contact, he stops logging on to myspace for over a year
January 2007: His company announces another layoff
Can you guess what I did?
Yes, I called him. ....and yes I KNOW it was foolish of me to call him, especially after a year with NO CONTACT, but it's not like I called him to say hi, how are you. I was really concerned which dept. got laid off and felt sorry for him because it happened to me before with a diff company. I felt since I worked for that company for 2 years, even though I quit, I couldn't help but sympathize for the employees still there. Maybe I'm just oversensitive like he is. His dept. was affected this time. He lost his job.
Now he's back on Myspace and I just met him for lunch because his apt. is near my office. Over lunch he tells me his ex-fiance has a new boyfriend. I said I didnt' know they still were friends.
He was asking me some questions about things on my profile at myspace. It's like he actually took time to read through it. Not once did I tell him I like to go running, but he asked me about that!?
We both worked with "Joe" before I quit and Joe actually quit around the same time I did, too. So over lunch I told him Joe got a job in Hawaii. I said I'd never be able to do that because I can't leave my family and friends and be 5,000 miles away from them. I am also shy and can't make friends easily. He seemed kind of surprized that Joe and I still keep in touch after we both quit. Maybe he was jealous?
Does he like me as a friend, at least? He actually took time out of his day to come and see me. Yes, he is unemployed and has a lot of free time, but after all, it was his idea to see me. HIS IDEA. A month ago he had emailed a bunch of his friends (including me) an mp3 song. I replied saying I really liked it because he knows I like music (I met a celebrity and had the pic at my desk at the office). That was unnecessary of me to do, I guess, but he actually called me when he got my reply just to say the song was from a commercial. So I waited 3 weeks to call him to say hi and see how is job hunting was going.
So we had lunch and now I'm debating whether or not to be bold and ask him out for happy hour or another lunch break.
I know it's possible he's kind of on the rebound and needs a girl for a distraction or maybe to let his ex-fiance know he is seeing someone or me, therefore using me.
Or maybe he changed his mind and is no longer "not into me" and could possibly like me now after 2 years? He did tell me I look good.
If he says yes when I ask him out, how should I proceed? I was hoping to tell him I like him, but I'm sure he knows that already. Plus, he is job hunting so I don't want to complicate his life further.
What should I do? Thanks.

If I were in your position, I'd drop him. You gave it a good shot a couple of times but he is not making any overtures towards you. Don't feel sorry for him.
"He actually comes to see me (45 min ride on a subway), tells me he still loves his ex-fiance and that she has a new boyfriend, I make a pass at him because of that sexual joke and then his exact words "I'm not into you." " -- this guy is not over his girlfriend if every time he talks to you he brings up the fact that she is dating a guy.
"It's like he actually took time to read through it." -- (your profile info) -- so what? Does he get a medal now? Sorry for the sarcasm but he is not acting like someone who is really into you and that is what you deserve and need.
He may give you a romp in the sack one day, and if that is all you want from this guy, then great, but if your heart is invested, then you may get hurt.