What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
What should I do?
4
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 1:23am
My boss at work has been asking me to come out after work and have drinks a lot lately and about once a week I will go and there is usually at least one other person there with us so its not really a “date” but he does buy my drinks. He just broke up with his GF and now calls me like everyday to see what I am doing and whether or not I am going out and he tells me he wants to see me. I like him but I am still kinda stuck on my ex who I still see about once a week still.
So my problem is that one of my best girl friends really HATES my boss; she used to work with us but quit because of him. Today she told me that she heard that he’s been calling me and that we have gone out a few times. Then she told me that all she was going to say about it is that she thinks he is a really bad person and that she doesn't think I should date him. But of course that isn't all she had to say because shortly after that she told me that if I did date him that she would have a really hard time continuing our friendship (we would still be friends just basically not as close). She kept telling me how it would affect our relationship and how she would rather me date an ex of her's that treated her badly than for me to date my boss. I told her that I like him and that he has never done me wrong in any way since I started working there about a year and a half ago. I also said that nothing has happened and reminded her that I am still seeing my ex at least once a week.
I don't think that is very fair of her to do; she is my friend she is supposed to be supportive of my choices not be-friend me because of them. So my question is what should I do? Not date my boss even if I decide that is what I want to do or just do it anyway and hope that it doesn’t ruin my friendship??
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2004
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 6:52am

Ok, I have a couple of comments. I am currently debating the intelligence of getting involved with someone I work with, but I personally have strong feelings on the boss issue.

I don't think it is appropriate to date your boss. It would be different if were already dating and he was promoted to the position (vice versa to if you were his boss). However, it is not a decision that I or anyone can make for you and I for one would respect your decision, doubly so if you were a friend who let me tell you why I thought is was a bad idea (once) and didn't hold it against me either.

I can't imagine any of my close friends threatening our friendship if I dated someone she doesn't like. I would be curious to know why she hates him so. Is there more behind it that you may want/need to consider? Did he hit on her? Does he have a habit of dating & dumping women who work for him? Was she interested in him an he rejected her? There are so many possibilities...did she tell you why she hates him?

Basically, listen to what your friend has to say, read what the people on this board have to say (they have some pretty good thoughts) and weigh it out with what you know & feel and base your decision accordingly. I couldn't get a feel whether or not you even want to date him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 1:39pm
I too think it is a really bad idea to date someone you work with, particularly a boss. Should things go sour, he could make your life very difficult. You should find out why your friend is so against your dating your boss. Her statement that she'd rather see you date one of her bad ex bf's is a bit strong, so she must really dislike your boss. Afterall, she did leave the company because of him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 2:25pm
Thanks for the comments.
I do want to date him, I really like him. We have a good time when we go out together.
I have asked a few of my girl friends if they know why my one friend dislikes my boss so much and no one really seems to know for sure and she won't really tell me when I ask about it. I think it has to do with some comments that he made to her about her dating a black guy; which is totally uncalled for especially in a management position. But she had a lot more to do with it than him just making a comment about it because she really promoted to everyone about how she only dates black guys, which is fine but I would never think to make it a big deal or feel the need to inform everyone of something like that.
I also agree on not dating someone you work with, that is something I generally try and stay away from but this has just kind of happened. I don't plan on staying at this job for too much longer because this is just a stepping stone for me right now, so him being my boss won't be an issue for too much longer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 7:17pm

Don't date your boss. Not because of anything to do with your friend. Rather, because of your job. If/when he's no longer your boss, then ... decide whether or not you want to date him. For now, just let him know that you'd rather not mix business and personal.

And, when that time comes that you no longer work there ...and you want to date him, ask your friend POINT BLANK what problem she has with him. Understand her point of view, and then ask for her understanding. If she is that unapproving of it, then ... accept her choice while you do what's best/right for you. If, for her, it's worth ending the friendship over, accept that as her choice, as she's as entitled to her choice and opinion as you are.

Good luck! Please, put the boss-dating on hold until he's no longer your boss, ok?