What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
What should I do?
11
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 11:44am

Last week, I was waiting for my friend by the elevators so we could get coffee. When she first stepped off the lift, I saw her talking to 2 guys. One of them was really cute so when she came over, I told her that. She got really excited and said "He's single!! He works in my department. He is totally cute." I admit I was kind of psyched, since I am single as well. She also told me that he went to the same college I had (he graduated before me). I thought hey we have something in common! After we got back from getting coffee, she told me she would put in a good word for me. I laughed it off, not really taking her seriously. Sure enough, as soon as she got back upstairs, she told him that I thought he was cute. He immediately started blushing, but said that he hadn't seen me and that he wanted to see a picture. I don't have any pictures on my computer though. My friend continued to talk me up for a few more minutes, telling him that we both went to the same college. She had to get back to work so nothing further was said for the rest of the day (she told me everything via email).

Fast forward to this week. On Monday she called me for lunch and we met down in the lobby. Sure enough, the cute guy - his name is Seth - and his friend were there too. It was my first time being formally introduced. She told me his being there was entirely coincidental. The guys didn't have a long time for lunch so we all walked over to a deli to grab something for take away. We all talked casually on the way there and back. The guys went their separate ways and my friend and I sat down in the cafeteria to eat. She told me that when she gets back to her office she will email me to let me know what he thought. Later, I got an email from her saying that Seth thought I was cute and that he told the other guy that there was 'a possibility'. A possibility? What does that mean? I asked her what that meant and she said 'that there is hope'. That didn't really give me much to work with. A few hours later, she called me for coffee again and I met her downstairs. She told me that Seth was going to come too, but then said to her 'Oh I bet you are going to call your friend and she will meet us downstairs'. She said 'Of course, I go to coffee with her all the time'. Seth's friend said 'Well maybe we should wait then and not go now. Keep her waiting'. My friend, being not exactly the most tact-ful person on the face of the earth, said 'Fine don't come that's your perogative. In fact, I don't want you guys to come along. Wait till we get back.' When she told me that, I said 'Well obviously he is not interested' and she said that he is just really shy. She also mentioned that his friend probably wants him to just play hard-to-get, which I really don't understand.

He can easily obtain my work phone number from the directory, however his line is recorded so it would not look too good if he made a personal call. Mine is not, so I can make personal calls. As for email, most people choose not to use it for personal reasons. He doesn't have my cell phone number. I am afraid that my friend may have talked me up to much and he isn't interested, even though he thinks I am cute and he said that there is a 'possibility'. What am I supposed to do now?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 1:46pm

Hey,

It sounds to me like he is interested, but he doesnt want your coworker/friend "setting up" every meeting you guys have. I can understand that because I have been in his shoes before. It was nothing against the guy that I wanted to see, but I didnt want the guy I was interested in to start thinking that I needed my friend to "hold my hand" (for lack of better words) in the initiation process of getting to know him.

If I were you I'd find a way to contact him directly...just email him real quick and say something like, wanna meet? But don't mention this girl AT ALL. She sounds nice and all and I'm sure her intentions are good, but you dont want to scare this guy off by acting like you two are connected at the hip and anything you do, she'll do...and vice versa.

good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 1:55pm

Talking from experience you need to get your friend out of the picture ASAP...something almost exactly happened to me and my so called friend only made the situation worse, she worked with the guy and kept hounding him to see if he was interested and then to see when he was going to ask me out. I came across and as desperate, I think he thought it was me asking her to do this but it was my friend and this guy turns out later was very interested.

He was a great catch and I think HE was the one who wanted to do the work, not my friend and I think it turned him off. By him knowing how interested you are, it would only push him away, he needs room to breathe.

I suggest trying to somehow meet him by "coincedence" WITHOUT your friend and give him your business card with your personal phone(cellphone) and leave it at that. Say something like "hey Seth, here's my card, hope I hear from you smile and quick wink, and good bye! tha's it!!

THe next move is up to him, that's the only way you will know if he was truly interested.

GOOD LUCK!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 2:13pm

Hi!

Thank you both for your replies. I took the intitiative and sent him a real quick email. I am hoping to god my friend doesn't bring me up any time between now and the next 10 minutes haha. And I figured what have I got to lose, right? This is a huge company and I have like zero chance of ever running in to him again.

Of course I planned it so I would send the email on my way out the door to a big meeting, so I won't sit here and refresh for the next hour.

Hopefully something good will happen!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 2:42pm
Good Luck!! Let us know what happens :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 4:32pm
No response....oh well!! At least I gave it a shot, and I told my friend to butt out!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 4:55pm

Looking back on it, I probably should not have sent him that email. Everything I was told by my friend was just hearsay. I don't doubt for a second that she was telling the truth (about him thinking I am cute, and him saying there is a possibility, etc) but messages have a way of becoming construed. And I did not know him that well at all. Maybe I was hoping that there was something that was not there.

Though I am wondering if maybe it was better for him to tell me "Sorry I am just not in to you" rather than just ignoring my email. What would you guys prefer to have? No email or something tangible, saying flat out 'No'???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 5:12pm

that true about sending the email, I was thinking if you had seen him again you could have gotten a feel to see how he looked at you and see if he was interested and then mabye offer your business card that way its ALL up to him. Remeber guys like the chase, by you emailing him he knows you like him, so the challenge is gone so to speak.

But anyways give him a while, maybe he hasn't even read your email and if he was not interested (lets hope that not the case) he is not going to respond No thanks!, he's not going to email you back so he doesnt hurt your feeling or maybe he waiting to see what you do if he doenst email you back, to see just how interested you are ;)

By the way, what did you write in your email to him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 5:23pm

It was a very quick email, since I was on my way out the door. Basically all I said was hi and that it was nice meeting him. And that I would talk to him later. Casual but yet something, since who knows when I would have seen him again. This building is huge, and I rarely run in to people that I know!

I figured that writing the email was a decent move, since I did not want to get my friend too much more involved, less she do any significant damage. But I think I did damage on my own just by assuming he was interested! Haha oh well we all make mistakes!

And there are plenty more proverbial fish in the sea.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 5:34pm
yeap...you are so right! There ARE plenty more fish in the sea :)
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 5:44pm

Ok...you've REALLY got me confused here! How on earth does anything in that email show that you assumed he was interested??? If you'd said, "I'd love to go out with you sometime", I could see your point, but not based on what you said!

I would just let things be, with the sole exception of telling your friend to stop talking to him about you!!!! You haven't done any damage by sending that email, though.

Sheri

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