What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
What should I do?
3
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 5:22am
This man I met earlier this year; we been friends since February and we met through our friends (basically). I definitely know that we are physically attracted to each other, but I confused about if it is more than the attraction, like actual feelings or a potential relationship. We ended having sex about 1 1/2 month after we met;& talked about our feelings (somewhat)--> he told me that he cared about me. We can see ourselves in a relationship with each other, but he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. Also he has a child with someone else, from what I heard the mother of his child doesn't want him talking to any other women and he is still stuck over her. I asked him he told me that it is not that he is stuck over her , but she doesn't want him to talk to other women. I hear all the time that he asks about me and wants me to come to social events, but when I get around him all he does is stare at me (tries not to make it obvious) and doesn't say hi right when he sees me--> he waits awhile, stares, then says hello. My bestfriend's boyfriend (the friend that introduced me to the man discussed in this message) won't introduce me to other men if we are in front or in the same area as his friend. I don't understand does my friend's boyfriend know more than I know (as far as he feels about me), everybody treats us like we are dating but we are friends with feelings that won't be announced. Should I stay friends with him--> almost everytime we are around each other we have sex. I don't want to get hurt knowing what he told me, but he doesn't act like want to be with me. What should I do??? HELP!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 8:44am
Hi,

You are in a friends with benefits situation here. He is having sex with you without the obligations of a committed relationship. It is not going to change as long as you continue to do this. It seems to me like you have feelings for the guy and if you ever hope that this will turn into something more, you need to stop the sex immediately. Your and his friend probably doesn't introduce you to other guys in front of him because he has to know that the guy you are seeing would be upset. Think about it, he has you committment free and that is not easy to come by. I know what I am talking about, been there done that and like you didn't know I was in it as I stupidly thought we were in a committed relationship. Yes, I'm a dork. Anyhow, put an end to it unless you want to continue seeing this guy who will probably never commit to you. Lucy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2004
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 2:11pm
I agree with Lucy. What your friends boyfriend knows is that you are sleeping with his buddy. And he doesn't want to upset the convenient boatride his pal is currently enjoying. I would suggest you stop with the sex. If he still asks about you and wants you around, that's a good sign. But you need to be careful not to fall into the same pattern. In other words, NO SEX!! It sounds like you are definitely in a FWB situation. And if you are cool with that, then no problem. But you want more and he doesn't. So find someone who wants what you want. Easier said than done. But in answer to your question...this guy doesn't seem to want that. Good luck! Hope things work out for you.

Elle

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 4:08pm
Hello,

Thank you for the advice, it makes more sense now that you "spelled" it out for me. This guy had me completely brainwashed. Thanks again!!